Monday, August 18, 2003

We all of that and a side of fries, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

G-Day, Sheila
During the Cubs- Los Angeles Dodgers game in Chicago, I happened to catch the replay of actor Russell Crowe throwing out the first pitch; I have six words that will make all guys very happy: Russell Crowe throws like a debutante.

Zake ze sout zoo zah zallzame
Ozzie Osbourne sang “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” at the Chicago Cubs game at Wrigley Field Sunday. Well, saying he sang might be pushing it. Ozzie sounded like a really drunken Scoobie Doo.

Even Keith Richards couldn’t translate what Ozzie slurred from drunk-British-rock-star to English.

Let’s be frank
Randall Simon - the famous mascot sausage knocker - has been traded to the Chicago Cubs. Nothing helps a team down the stretch like knowing they have a new guy who is a proven wiener.

That bad?The PGA Championship's final-round TV ratings dropped 41 percent this year. If the ratings were any lower it would have been an WNBA game.

Quite a milestone
Now, I don’t want to brag, but I am extremely proud that I finished my first Ironman competition. It was touch and go, I got really hot and tired. But after I turned on the A.C., poured an ice tea and lay down on the couch, I was able to watch the entire Hawaiian Ironman broadcast.

In these Ironmans they always focus on the dramatic stories like this one guy who finished with two metal legs. Let’s think about this. Is that really fair? Metal doesn’t get tired, if you ask me, this guy was cheating.

Cruz “Bust a Move”
It’s looking good for Lt. Gov. Cruz “Bust a move” Bustamante, a poll shows he is in first place ahead of Arnold, or as Gray Davis calls Bustamante: that evil backstabbing two-timing Judas.

Arnold Schwarzenegger is getting a little nastier towards Gray Davis; Arnold’s new campaign slogan; “Let’s get rid of Gray and take the Guber out of Gubernatorial.”

That gay
You know what we need more of today? Gay oriented TV shows. It’s unbelievable how many gay shows there are: “Will and Grace” “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” “Boy Meets Boy” “The Actors Studio.” Just to keep up, NBC is changing the name to “The Tonight Show with Gay Leno.”