Rock steady baby, that's what I feel now, let's call this song exactly what it is, (what it is, what it is) Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers


(Doing my very best Johnny) I, I, I did not know that . . .
Did you know that Tom Cruise has had a lifelong struggle with severe dyslexia? And believe it or not, pretty boy Tom was also a good high school wrestler. Cruise’s wrestling record was twenty-five wins, with just three loses, one tie, and six prom invitations and a wedding proposal. (Clang)

The NFL’s far less witty Sir Charles
Does this New York Giant tight end Jeremy Shockey ever shut up or say anything that isn’t asinine? As a comedy writer who follows sports, I have just two words for Jeremy Shockey: Thank you.

Oh yeah, this will work
The Portland Trailblazers have written a code of conduct for their players. Chapter three in the Portland Trailblazers code of conduct: “Always remember to say thank you to the officer who hands you a tissue to wipe away the fingerprint ink.”

This Portland Trailblazers code of conduct should prove to be the most useful document since the French Guide: "How to Extend Polite Etiquette Towards American Tourists."

No contest
The argument over who most deserves manager of the year is focused between Filipe Alou of the San Francisco Giants and Dusty Baker of the Chicago Cubs. Please.

Baker has led a last place team into - as of this writing - first place while weathering many injuries and Sosa’s cork episode. Nothing against Alou at all, he is awesome, but all Filipe has had to worry about is if the ink in his pen goes out while writing down the name of Barry Bonds on his lineup sheet.

Trust me, I am no Bonds fan, but facts are facts, T.S.'s and N.R.'s You can't have the MVP and Manager of the year on the same team. They cancel each other out.

Fellow Cubbie fans, can you believe this? Past the middle of August and in first place. It's like playing the Lottery, deep down you know it's probably hopeless, but part of you can't help but get all tingly with excitement.