Wednesday, August 20, 2003

Now that’s what I’m talkin’ ‘bout, rub some funk on it, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Good move
Greek authorities announced they will raise the limit on the number of licensed brothels for the 2004 Summer Games. In addition, they are going to change the Olympic motto from Faster, Higher, Stronger, to Who’s Your Daddy?

We kid Shania
Shania Twain had a two-hour concert special on NBC. A two hour special means Shania spent one complete hour on each one of her hit songs.

It had to be him
*It turns out the blackout was due to a problem in transmission lines in Ohio. Too bad, I was hoping somehow we could blame it on Gray Davis.

So nice, they named it twice
*New Yorkers are receiving high praise for the calm and helpful way they responded to the blackout. No kidding, New Yorkers are getting nicer. In Times Square today a New Yorker actually included the word please when he told a tourist to go screw himself.

(Get the drum kit ready)
New Yorkers are getting nicer. In Times Square, the Hookers are throwing in a free pleasantry with every trick.

It is true, New Yorkers are getting friendlier. Now when the New York cops draw a body outline in chalk, they always throw in a smiley face.

I’m tellin’ you, New Yorkers are getting friendly, in the subways people now ask permission before they urinate on the floor.

I am not kidding, New Yorkers are getting friendlier. Now the waiters brush their teeth before they spit in your food.

New Yorkers are getting friendlier. The last time I was in Central Park, the mugger said “Thank You” after he robbed me.

Zay it ain’t zo
*The United States is headed towards another fight with France, this time over the U.S.’s intention to lift U.N. sanctions against Libya. Well, fight might not be the right word, but France is threatening to throw a serious hissy fit our way.

What are the French going to do? Threaten to hold their breath until they turn bleu? (Note the crafty use of the French spelling. In my best Alf voice, I kill me)