How he do that, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers?

He’s a soul man
In golf, Jonathon Kaye won the Buick Open. Kaye is a former U. of Colorado golfer who was sporting a funky soul- patch: a tuft of beard under the lip. This also marks the first time the words funky, soul and golfer have been used in the same sentence.

Yuck
Vitali Klitschko was beating Heavyweight champ Lennox Lewis in what would have been a huge upset until the doctor stopped the fight in the sixth round; somewhere around the third round, Lewis turned Klitschko’s eye into a sequel of Wes Craven’s movie “Scream.”

How bad was the cut? Let’s just say I won’t be eating Steak Tartar anytime soon.


Jose can you see?
Jose Canseco was arrested at his Florida home while serving under house arrest after testing positive for steroids, a violation of his probation. How does somebody flunk a drug test while under house arrest? That’s like being arrested for drunk driving while cutting your lawn on your riding mower.

Good question
In the final twist to the world’s most discussed soccer deal, David Beckham is leaving Manchester United to play for Real Madrid. This immediately raises a question in the minds of millions of United States sports fans: who the heck is David Beckham?

Drop and cover
Pop princess Britney Spears disappeared from this year's Forbes Top 100 Celebrity List after last year's No. 1 spot. Even Debbie Gibson is making jokes about that big a drop.


It's a tasty thing
In New York, Martha Stewart appeared in court as the judge set a trial date of January, 12th. Martha’s lawyers will file motions to have the case, not just dropped, but dropped in flour, lightly fried and then covered in chocolate powder and fresh nutmeg.