Caffeine fueled beautiful Saturday morning rant, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Folks, as you know, this celebrity hullabaloo (That is the first time I have ever written the word hullabaloo, and it was fun. Thank you to the cranky guy and the stupid guy in the Fed Ex commercials) over the self-martyred poor, poor anti-war opined celebrities has taken on a life of its own.

Projected sales for Madonna’s new CD “American Life” are hilariously low. Madonna blames it on an “Un-American” and unfair backlash at her right to exercise free speech. (Uh, Madonna, being allowed to choose or not choose to buy something, is, in fact, kind of American. But nice try, sugar-britches)

Music critics say the projected low sales of Madonna’s CD might be politically motivated, but that it is more likely due to the fact that the music on the CD couldn’t suck more than a Newark crack whore. But blame it on that free speech-thing, yeah, people will buy that.

Heard the poor Dixie Chicks whining on ABC last night to Diane Sawyer. How was it? My opinion that celebrities are not exactly the sharpest political minds in the country did not exactly dissipate. Are the Dixie Chicks cute? Whoa, you bet. Musically talented? Hell yes. Intellectually astute observers of complicated foreign issues? Not so much. (Maines: "We don't like it when people get hurt." Way to go out on a limb, Natalie. While you're being outspoken, why not add you are against the act of hurting puppies?) In fact, when it comes to current affairs, Natalie Maines is in deeper over her head than the Titanic.

Let’s review. The Texas-based Dixie Chicks were performing in London – at the time just before the war, London was a place of decided lack of enthusiasm for President Bush. Maines takes the mike and says;

“Just so you know, we’re ashamed that President Bush is from Texas.”

From there, her statement snowballed into a public relations firestorm, to mix metaphors as well meteorological conditions. All the poor girl was trying to do was shamefully suck-up to the audience. Give her a break. As an alleged comedian, I can certainly relate to the urge to do that. She isn’t a traitor. A brown-nose’r? Yes, but not a traitor.