You must be straight up trippin', Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

How snowy was it?
How about that huge snowstorm? It’s colder back east than Sarah’s last hug to Evan on “Joe Millionaire”.

It’s snowing so hard, the rest of Michael Jackson’s family is white.

There hasn’t been that much white powder in New York since Whitney Houston was in town.

In New York it is snowing so hard that when Hookers ask how they can fulfill their customer’s fantasy, the standard reply now is; “Shovel my driveway.”

Roses are reds violets are blue, I’m schizophrenic and so am I
Mike Tyson suddenly changed his mind saying his fight with Clifford Etienne is back on. The decision came less than 24 hours after Tyson's camp called off the fight. This news was the latest in a series of bizarre twists. In fact, even Michael Jackson is starting to think Tyson is nuts.

Apparently didn’t Tyson agree to fight until Michael Jackson threatened to dangle him out a hotel balcony.

Mike Tyson suddenly changed his mind saying his fight with Clifford Etienne is back on. This is good news for Tonya Harding who is set to make her pro boxing debut on the under card. Lucky thing, because Tonya still has to pay for that duct tape and plastic sheeting upgrade to her motor home.

Some sad news
The founder of Holiday Inn passed away last week. He was 90-years-old so they had to charge him a late check out fee.

French War Heroes and Other Pamphlets
Due to their opposing us at the U.N., relations between France and the U.S. have never been worse. Why, in Paris there are reports of French waiters rudely ignoring U.S. tourists. Oh wait, it’s always been like that. Never mind.

Due to their opposing us at the U.N., relations between France and the U.S. have never been worse. It’s so bad that there are even reports of American waiters rudely ignoring French tourists.

The French are apparently so vehemently opposed to U.S. action against Iraq, as a form of protest, they are refusing to shower, bath or shave. No, wait, they were like that before. Never mind.

The French oppose any U.S. military action against Iraq. Speaking of the French military, if you are interested, the storied history of French military victories has been reprinted and is now available in a handsome credit card-sized laminated piece of paper. It fits nicely in a wallet.

Now it will be “Joe “I’m Sorry, But You’re Not on the Guest List”
Did you see that Evan picked Zora on “Joe Millionaire” and they split one million bucks? Look for the next Fox sequel “Joe Quarter-Millionaire-After-Taxes.”

Did you see that Evan picked Zora on “Joe Millionaire”? If you missed it, the show was about a broke construction worker living in a French mansion with 25 gorgeous women. How in the world does that qualify as reality television? Whose reality is that?

“Uh, yeah girls, you sit out by the pool and have the butler bring champagne, I’m off to dig trenches.”

When has that ever happened?

Did you see that Evan picked Zora on “Joe Millionaire” and they split one million bucks? The loser, Sarah, isn’t too upset. When it comes to making money and having a job, Sarah will be tied up for quite a while.

More sad news
Did you hear about that horrible stampede at the Chicago night club? Now, in addition to a cover charge, there will be a take cover charge.