May we live in interesting times, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Choquer lebleu
This just in: Not only does France not approve of our attacking Iraq? Today, the French took it one step further and surrendered to Iraq.

Huh?
With Iraq’s permission, today the US resumed U2 intelligence flights over Iraq. And guess what? There isn’t any intelligence in Iraq.

Totally
The actor who gained fame as the slacker ``Steven'' in commercials for Dell computers was arrested buying a small bag of marijuana: “Dude, you’re getting a cell.”

A kid that smart and clear-minded buying pot? It’s hard to believe.

Not exactly a shock. I think Dell used to pay the kid with pot.

Is pink one of the colors?
Valentines day is coming so romance is in the air. You know what that means, kids: time to increase the level of Michael Jackson alert from yellow to orange.

A British magazine has pictures of a secret bedroom behind Michael Jackson’s bedroom. What could Jackson possibly be doing that is so embarrassing even he needs more privacy?

You say non, we say oui
France still doesn’t approve of the U.S. force against Iraq; what more proof do we need that we are on the right military track than if France disapproves? France is a military reverse barometer.

We use France for military strategy the way my wife consults me when shopping for clothes. If I approve of something, she automatically knows it’s no good.

Three days too long
I saw “How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days” this weekend. I don’t want to say it was a chick flick, but Olympia Dukakis would have been looking at her watch on this one.

Those dentists are thorough
A Texas dentist, who ran over her cheating husband with her Mercedes twice, testified it was an accident. Sorry. You drive over an innocent pedestrian once, you may just be a real lousy driver. You drive over a cheating husband twice, you’re a really good driver who just killed her husband.

Can you imagine being a patient of this dentist? “Floss or else. I have a Mercedes and I’m not afraid to use it.”

Yeah, we’ll get on that . . .
The Pentagon said today there’s been a sudden rise in suicides by al-Qaeda prisoners in Guantanmo Bay. It’s getting so bad, they are thinking of shortening the prisoner’s suicide bombing practices.

We don’t ask much from these prisoners, we just ask; “Don’t kill yourself or anybody else.” And they can’t even do that.

Shocker
Serena Williams won the Gaz de France championship. In other equally shocking sports news, the Westminster dog show featured canines.

No wonder
Watching the celebrities struggle during the Pebble Beach Pro Am, I finally figured out my problem when I play golf. Every hole is a repeat of my three least favorite things: apprehension followed by embarrassment ending with a long math problem.