It's gettin' all good to me now, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Today is the biggest bar business day of the year, folks. So have a couple on the house, Slats and Nuggies. But remember, if you can't find the drunkest idiot at the bar? It's you.

At least 85 people on a Disney cruise ship have contracted a flu-like illness this week. It’s the sickest anyone has been on a cruise ship since Kathy Lee Gifford sang on a Carnival Cruise.

The UN inspectors are spreading out around Iraq, according to Chief UN Inspector Hans Blix. Am I crazy, or isn’t Hans Blix the name of one of Santa’s reindeer?

Due to her success in Celebrity boxing against Paula Jones, Tonya Harding announced she is going to be a professional female boxer. That’s like announcing you’re going to be a major league pitcher because you struck out Ray Charles.

After merely three months of marriage, Nicolas Cage has filed for divorce from Lisa Marie Presley. That has to hurt Cage. His marriage to Lisa Marie didn’t last as long as Michael Jackson’s did. Three months. What were their wedding vows? “Do you promise to love honor and cherish until the milk in your refrigerator expires?”

Russell Crowe tops Film Threat's ``Frigid 50,'' an annual ranking of the coldest movie stars. And that’s after Madonna came out with “Swept Away.” Winona Ryder was second on Film Threat's ``Frigid 50,'' an annual ranking of the coldest movie stars. In fact, Winona is so cold, she had to run out and steal a sweater to get warm. Among the 50 celebrities on Film Threat's ``Frigid 50,'' an annual ranking of the coldest movie stars are Cuba Gooding Jr., Richard Gere, Barbra Streisand and Anna Nicole Smith. Poor Jon Claude Van Damm, he’s so cold he couldn’t even make the “Frigid 50” list.

A British commercial which depicts a cartoon President Bush inserting a DVD into a toaster, was banned for being unfair. As it should have been. Everyone knows Bush put the DVD into the microwave.

In announcing his next fight, Mike Tyson said; " I'm tired of being stupid.'' Tyson must be really, really tired.