Saturday, August 10, 2002

Attention Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers. From now on you can call me Vin Diesel.

The two most talked about people in the news these days are Anna Nicole Smith and 600-home run hitter, San Francisco Giant Barry Bonds. One is overly be-jeweled with artificially large breasts, and the other is Anna Nicole.

When Barry Bonds reached home plate after his 600th home run, he pointed his fingers skyward in a “thank you” gesture. Apparently his steroid supplier was up above flying out of town.

It always amuses me when athletes credit god for aiding their accomplishments. They honest to goodness believe God is thinking; “Ahh, forget that Middle East suicide bomber stuff, I am going to help Barry Bonds jerk one out today.” San Franicisco Giant Barry Bonds hit his 600 home run. Not to put too fine a point on it, but if Roger Maris’s single season home run record had an asterisk by it, Barry Bonds 600 home runs should have a syringe next to it.

Britney Spears announced she is taking six months off from performing. Poor thing, her lips must be exhausted from all that synching.

Hollywood screenwriter Joe Eszterhas apologized in a letter to the New York Times for glamorizing smoking in his films. Smoking we might forgive, that only causes emphysema and cancer. But, Joe, writing “Showgirls”? That is unforgivable. In case you don’t remember him, Joe Eszterhas is the guy who looks like Santa Claus after a five day drinking binge.