Friday, October 17, 2008

Go ahead and call me a Waterman, I don’t give a good never mind, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Who knows?
In Liberia, police found multiple marijuana farms in a county named Bong. There is no telling what they may find in the towns of Roofies, Blow, Smack and Crack.

After the last debate, experts say it was too close a call but John McCain did get aggressive. And Barack Obama seemed about 5% more Baracky and 10% more Obammie.

I, uh, I did not know that
In the last debate with Barack Obama, John McCain repeatedly referred to Joe the Plumber who is Joe Wurzelbacher. Interestingly, Wurzelbacher is a German word that means plumber’s butt.

That guy
During the last presidential debate, John McCain went on the offensive. Yeah, McCain looked like that old guy arguing with the grocery cashier over double coupons for his cat food.

It was here a second ago
Dick Cheney was hospitalized for having an irregular heartbeat. The hardest part for the doctors? Finding his heart.

Due to the volatile economy, politicians are quoting the ancient Chinese proverb; “May you live in interesting times.” We Americans have a proverb too: “Bite me, you useless politicians.”

The last Presidential debate was sponsored by Anheuser-Busch. They cashed in on the popular drinking game where you chug every time John McCain says “My friends.”

What the hell do they know?
There is a feeling among economic and social experts that this troubling economy is causing frustration and anger in people. To which I would like to say: Dammit, I am so sick and tired of those moronic so-called freaking experts.

Tough times
The economy is tough, now when Adam “Pacman” Jones goes to strip club, he only has enough cash to make it damp.

You can tell a lot about a person by what they want on their pizza; if you like vegetables, you’re easy going, if you like sausage and pepperoni, you’re more assertive, and if you like caviar and lobster, you’re a douchebag Lehman Brothers executive.

Now that’s not fair
Madonna and Guy Ritchie are getting a divorce and now they have to decide who gets the majority of their $500 million estate. Guy thinks he should get half, Madonna thinks she earned most of it and deserves more than half, and Heather Mills thinks she should get all of it.

Since you asked:

Great day out on the ol’ standup paddleboard, Slattlies and Nuggeseses. Caught my best wave ever. Any concerns I had about missing the speed you feel surfing a long board versus windsurfing were allied, I mean allayeded, put to rest. At one point I was going so fast I was afraid to bail out. It’s a shorter ride than windsurfing, but it is quick. Plus you’re not strapped in and hanging on like you are when windsurfing so there is more of what I call a “whaaaaa-whoooo” factor.

There is nothing like that powerful sensation when you are heeled way over screaming along, your face inches from the water, sail closed on top of your deck, flying along on your chattering-on- top-of- the-chop windsurfing board. Or when you carve a sharp jibe turn and the sail comes back and the boom smacks you in the hands and you take off flying the other way. But the number of times that happens versus the number of times you go out for a session is unbelievably annoyingly low. At least in San Diego.

If somebody put a gun to my head – and I hope this doesn’t happen – and I was forced to choose between windsurfing and standup paddleboard cruising and surfing, I would take the paddleboard.