It is what it is is what it is, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers
That should do it
David Duchovney was checked out of sexual addiction rehab; they are taking drastic steps to make sure David doesn’t relapse into sexual addiction. They gave him a job at Radio Shack.
Do the math
In Florida, an 18-year-old man claims he was robbed by five topless women; when asked if he got a good look at them, he said “Are you kidding? I got a good look at all ten of them.”
A thigh slapper, donchyaknow
Did you see the Vice Presidential debate on Friday: Wasn’t Sarah Palin’s imitation of Tina Fey hilarious?
Who knew?
The Detroit Shock beat the San Antonio Silver Stars, 76-60 to win the WNBA title; incidentally the Shock are named after people’s reaction when they find out there is still a WNBA.
Outsider
Last weekend the world’s heaviest man, at 1232 pounds, got married. Normally there would be a fat guy joke here but I am a comedy maverick. I don’t do predictable. But his bride’s odds of surviving the honeymoon are six to one.
Two factions
Last week in Milwaukee a brawl broke out during a Celine Dion concert; There was a skirmish between the people who think Celine Dion stinks versus the ones who think she sucks.
Darn it, hang on
I’m telling you, this economy is bad. The other day I saw a . . . oh, shoot, just a minute, cling, cling, cling, sorry, I had to stop and put some quarters into my coin-operated computer.
Would it kill them to knock it off?
You know I think I’ve figured out the cause of our financial crisis. It’s all those New York Stock Exchange floor brokers who worriedly rub their brows and grimace and hang their heads. If the press didn’t keep printing their stupid picture the market would be fine. Smile, Slappy.
It’s the press’s favorite picture next to a Palestinian kid throwing a rock at an Israeli tank.
Make it simple
There is a website that sells cinnamon rolls wrapped in bacon. It’s perfect for those people who can’t decide if they want to die from diabetes or a heart attack.
Since you asked:
There was a new comedian on “TTSWJL” last night named Natasha and she was really good. Great stuff on how Rite Aid sucks. “These people wake up in the morning and look in the mirror and say “As little as possible.”
It has been my contention that Rite Aid is what all stores would look like if they were run by the government. If you want to feel better about the people who work at the DMV, go to Rite Aid. Rite Aid’s mission statement is “We want you to buy it, we just don’t want to ring it up.”
They have ice cream at Rite Aid. Have you ever seen the look of frustration and resentment on the employee who has to actually scoop out the ice cream? You’d think they were being sent in to diffuse a bomb.
One of the cashiers at Rite Aid couldn’t pronounce “Next” correctly.
This story is now over ten years old, but when Virg was preggers with AC, she sent me to Rite Aid to get an electric breast pump. When I got to the cashier she actually asked if somebody was pregnant. I am proud to say I did not blink and said,
“No, it’s for me.”
By the way, I would say that the Soup Plantation is the Rite Aid of restaurants, but my daughter loves that place. When she does drag me there, she takes me around and shows me how to best get stuff. It is very cute.
That should do it
David Duchovney was checked out of sexual addiction rehab; they are taking drastic steps to make sure David doesn’t relapse into sexual addiction. They gave him a job at Radio Shack.
Do the math
In Florida, an 18-year-old man claims he was robbed by five topless women; when asked if he got a good look at them, he said “Are you kidding? I got a good look at all ten of them.”
A thigh slapper, donchyaknow
Did you see the Vice Presidential debate on Friday: Wasn’t Sarah Palin’s imitation of Tina Fey hilarious?
Who knew?
The Detroit Shock beat the San Antonio Silver Stars, 76-60 to win the WNBA title; incidentally the Shock are named after people’s reaction when they find out there is still a WNBA.
Outsider
Last weekend the world’s heaviest man, at 1232 pounds, got married. Normally there would be a fat guy joke here but I am a comedy maverick. I don’t do predictable. But his bride’s odds of surviving the honeymoon are six to one.
Two factions
Last week in Milwaukee a brawl broke out during a Celine Dion concert; There was a skirmish between the people who think Celine Dion stinks versus the ones who think she sucks.
Darn it, hang on
I’m telling you, this economy is bad. The other day I saw a . . . oh, shoot, just a minute, cling, cling, cling, sorry, I had to stop and put some quarters into my coin-operated computer.
Would it kill them to knock it off?
You know I think I’ve figured out the cause of our financial crisis. It’s all those New York Stock Exchange floor brokers who worriedly rub their brows and grimace and hang their heads. If the press didn’t keep printing their stupid picture the market would be fine. Smile, Slappy.
It’s the press’s favorite picture next to a Palestinian kid throwing a rock at an Israeli tank.
Make it simple
There is a website that sells cinnamon rolls wrapped in bacon. It’s perfect for those people who can’t decide if they want to die from diabetes or a heart attack.
Since you asked:
There was a new comedian on “TTSWJL” last night named Natasha and she was really good. Great stuff on how Rite Aid sucks. “These people wake up in the morning and look in the mirror and say “As little as possible.”
It has been my contention that Rite Aid is what all stores would look like if they were run by the government. If you want to feel better about the people who work at the DMV, go to Rite Aid. Rite Aid’s mission statement is “We want you to buy it, we just don’t want to ring it up.”
They have ice cream at Rite Aid. Have you ever seen the look of frustration and resentment on the employee who has to actually scoop out the ice cream? You’d think they were being sent in to diffuse a bomb.
One of the cashiers at Rite Aid couldn’t pronounce “Next” correctly.
This story is now over ten years old, but when Virg was preggers with AC, she sent me to Rite Aid to get an electric breast pump. When I got to the cashier she actually asked if somebody was pregnant. I am proud to say I did not blink and said,
“No, it’s for me.”
By the way, I would say that the Soup Plantation is the Rite Aid of restaurants, but my daughter loves that place. When she does drag me there, she takes me around and shows me how to best get stuff. It is very cute.
posted by Alex at
1:28 PM
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