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They gonna get turnt 'till they burnt, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers



Nina Skye, a 21-year-old porn actress, was fired from her job as an L.A. Christian pre-school teacher. And thus ends the record for most dads dropping their kids off at a preschool. 


A mom complained when her daughter came home with her art project that was just splashed paint on paper titled: “The Money Shot.” 

Republicans are waffling on the new health care bill. The republicans are waffling so much they had to bring in their waffle expert, Chris Christie.




In New York, a teenage girl was hanging 25 feet from an amusement park gondola, when she dropped, strangers below caught her. She is fine. They robbed her blind, but she is fine. 



UFC fighter, Justine Kish, joked about how she lost controls of her bowels during a fight. On the bright side, she has been named an honorary Philadelphia Phillie.


NASA has reported a record 18,000 applicants to be astronauts. Granted, most of them are San Francisco Giant fans who just want to get away. 



It is the three-year anniversary of a guy walking into a New York McDonalds with a knife in his back. He said it was scary and he was afraid he would die. And besides eating at McDonalds, the knife was unpleasant too.

Since you asked:



Lex’s TV Review


“Silicon Valley.” Probably will not survive without the needed comic relief of T.J. Miller. Was T.J. the only funny one on the show? No, but he was the only one getting big laughs. Miller left due to not liking the producer, Alec Berg, and an ego power play from lead Thomas Middleditch. 


“The Walking Dead.” Is walking but it is dead to me. Too many long, dramatic speeches. Especially from Rick.


“Orange is the New Black.” It isn’t good anymore is the new it once was.


“Veep.” So quick and funny you have to white-knuckle ride to try and catch all the witty, nasty lines.


“Masterchef.” Jennifer is saved and I cried like a baby. Great contestants, now that Mark is gone, no dickheads. Great judges. Even the annoying and over-tattoo’d judge, Aaron Sanchez, who somehow can over-pronounce Taco. Got a sneaker for Christina Tosi. Nice wheels. New drinking game. Shot every time Adam Wong says he goes to Harvard.


“Modern Family.” Still good, but the growing kids make you feel old.



“Beat Bobby Flay.” Take a great chef who has made a fortune with a specialty dish. Bobby Flay has never made the dish before and beats the guy making that dish. Amazing. Used to think he was too cocky - which he is - but I am a huge fan of the Bobby Flay.


“Brockmire.” Wildly underrated. Great cast. Hank Azaria and Amanda Peete are gems. Funny as hell.



"Chopped." Who do you bet on? The bald tattoo'd guy who is divorced, sober and cooking for his estranged kids or the spike-haired tattoo'd vegan woman who is cooking for her life partner? And then there is the pretentious gastro-artist snots who get a box of rib-eye steak and potatoes and announce they hate playing it safe and say they're going to make it into a frozen sculpture. Happily the gastro-nobs always lose. And then they blame the judges on the walk-of-shame. 



"Fargo." The only thing better than a show with Ewan McGregor? A show with two Ewan McGregors. Awesome.


Yet another example of the humor hidden in Strunk and White’s “The Elements of Style.”

Under “Misused words and expressions.” 

Flammable. Should be inflammable, but the “in” confused people into thinking it meant not-flammable. So trucks carrying dynamite are now labeled “Flammable.” Unless you are driving such a truck and are worried about the health of children and illiterates, use inflammable. 

“Did you know flammable and inflammable mean the same thing? Boy, I learned that the hard way.
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                                           -- Woody Boyd in “Cheers.”