Anyone who thinks puns stink has no scents of humor, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers 



In “The Atlantic,” a review of Katy Perry’s “Witness” complained her lyrics in “Bon Appetite” mixed metaphors. They should let those mixed metaphors go, that train has sailed. It’s not like pop music is rocket surgery. 




NFL players ranked 39-year-old, Tom Brady, as on top of the list of the best 100 players in the NFL. Some feel that ranking is inflated. 




A Spanish judge has ruled the bones of artist Salvador Dali can be exhumed to settle a paternity suit. But they have to hurry up, the clock is melting. 




When asked what grade she would give her father, Ivanka Trump said an A. Sure, a lot of people would give Trump an A as a whole.


Donald Trump attended Treasury Sec., Steve Mnuchin’s wedding. Not to say he is needy, but Donald Trump has to be the bride at every wedding, the corpse at every funeral and the rectum in every colonoscopy.




Treasury Sec., Steve Mnuchin’s got married. And right after the wedding, Mnuchin and his bride were Mnewlyweds.  




Daniel Day-Lewis announced he is retiring from acting. Or is he just acting like he is somebody who announced he retired from acting, but he is just acting that he isn’t acting? 



A Spanish judge has ruled the bones of artist Salvador Dali can be exhumed to settle a paternity suit. Asked to comment, Dali’s ghost said, “That is just too weird.” 


UFC fighter, Justine Kish, lost controls of her bowels during a fight. On the bright side, she has been named an honorary Cleveland Brown.



European Commission hit Google with a $2.7 bil. fine. Google paid the fine out of their swear jar.