Tuesday, December 27, 2016

It's after six. What am I, a farmer, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers? 

Rex and Rob Ryan were fired from the Buffalo Bills. “Oh, thank god,” said the head chef of the Bill’s cafeteria.

ISIS is recruiting doctors, lawyers and engineers. When asked about Art History majors, ISIS said, “Yeah. Um. Can we get back to you on that?” 

Rex and Rob Ryan were fired from the Buffalo Bills. In a related story, the head chef of the Bills’ cafeteria was treated for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Four Tennessee inmates escaped from prison after they removed an old urinal from the bathroom wall. They’re calling it, “The Broke-Ass Shawshank Redemption.” 

On wimp.com, a beautiful actress showed up for her Tinder dates made up to look 100 pounds heavier than her picture and her dates were not happy. But 100 pounds is a lot. That’s a whole Justin Bieber. 

Four Tennessee inmates escaped from prison after they removed a urinal from the bathroom wall. Their probation officers are pissed. 

Tom Arnold claims he has “The Apprentice” video of Donald Trump saying the worst things possible. Apparently Trump calls Arnold a talented man. 

Since you asked:

Here is wishing ESPN’s Chris Berman a happy retirement. We can assume he going to do what he loves: drinking Jack Daniels from the bottle and pounding out dents on his ’55 Ford truck with his face. 

Somehow Terry Bradshaw, just like “Fox NFL Sunday’s” Howie Long and Jimmy Johnson, as great as all three were, their egos are way outsized. But Terry is even more annoying because he tries to fake being humble in his corny “Aww shucks” way.

So when Bradshaw criticized Steeler coach, Mike Tomlin, with the passive-aggressive “Cheerleader” insult/compliment, it was great when Tomlin referenced being a fan of “Hollywood” Henderson without mentioning Bradshaw’s name.

Henderson was famous for saying Terry Bradshaw was so stupid he could not spell cat if you spotted him the C and the A.

One of the greatest shows is “The Layover” with Anthony Bourdain, where Anthony finds local joints free of pretentious douche-bags which is hysterically ironic because nobody is more of a pretentious douche-bag than Anthony Bourdain. Love to watch the guy. Truly and deeply despise him. And yet I envy and admire him at the same time. And he is pretty funny. In an a-hole way. 

Anthony is on the short list of people I would pay big money to legally punch in the smug face.