The reports of Mike Tyson giving a speech at the RNC for Donald Trump are false. Or as Mike Tyson calls the reports, “Absholutely ludichrish.” 

A porn site is donating a penny to charity each time someone watches a porn video. Charlie Sheen has already generated $50,000. 

Indianapolis Colts QB, Andrew Luck, has signed a $140 mil. six-year contract, the biggest ever. My hope is this helps to make up for the sting of Luck not utilizing his Stanford Architecture Design degree. 

Indianapolis Colts QB, Andrew Luck, has signed a $140 mil. six-year contract, the biggest ever. In a related story, Johnny Manziel’s credit card was declined at a bar in Mexico. 

Indianapolis Colts QB, Andrew Luck, has signed a $140 mil. six-year contract, the biggest ever. Just when you thought Johnny Manziel’s agent could not feel any worse. 

Indianapolis Colts QB, Andrew Luck, has signed a $140 mil. six-year contract. This should make up for the gig he lost acting on those Geico caveman commercials. 

Indianapolis Colts QB, Andrew Luck, has signed a $140 mil. six-year contract. To which Luck’s mom said, “Fine, Andrew, but what happens after six years? You’ll need a real job.” 

“Orange is the New Black” spoiler alert, beloved character, Poussey Washington, played by Samira Wiley, died. The cause of death is believed to be “Her agent’s unreasonable demands.” 

Caitlyn Jenner told a magazine Donald Trump would be better for women’s issues than Hillary Clinton. The magazine was this month’s issue of “Shut Up About Women If You Still Have a Penis” journal.

A study claims Florida has the worst drivers. Yeah, I read this story on my iPhone while texting someone while driving 100 mph on the 405. 

After Mike Tyson endorsed him, Donald Trump said all the tough guys like him. Donald Trump has to be the toughest guy in the world who wet his bed every night his first year away at military school. 

Miss Teen USA has eliminated the swimsuit competition. “Oh, that’s too bad,” said the creepiest guys in the entire country.

Trump University is being investigated for fraud. In hindsight maybe they should have suspected something when you could graduate with a degree in Ponzi.  

Facebook founder, Mark Zuckerberg, built a stone wall around his property in Kauai that blocks his neighbor’s view of the ocean. And he got Donald Trump to get Mexico to pay for it.  

In Switzerland, a shop will offer oral sex with their coffee. Just remember to order the Venti Kardashian-oh. 

In Switzerland, a shop will serve oral sex with the coffee. This is not new in France. You could always get oral sex with your coffee at the Paris Hilton. 

A Seattle man was arrested trying to scan his penis at a grocery store. Even worse, his penis was so small, it did not count as one of his 12 items or less.

In WA, a bear broke into a campground, drank 36 beers and passed out. More bad news for the bear. He got cut by the Cleveland Browns.