Rub some stank on that prank, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Former slugger and steroid cheat, Jose Conseco, was cleaning his gun and shot off his middle finger. Conseco is truly lucky, for once he wasn’t picking his nose at the time.

Apple CEO, Tim Cook, revealed that he is gay. As a result, Apple has unveiled a new app that measures your fierceness.

The men and the women’s New York Marathon races were won by Kenyans. In equally shocking news, people breathe air.

Former slugger and steroid cheat, Jose Conseco, was cleaning his gun and shot off his middle finger. He’s OK, but there goes his future as a cab driver.

The Oakland Raiders are 0-8. To give you an idea how bad it is, the fans in the black hole are now dressing up as New York Jets.

Renee Zellweger is selling her East Hamptons home. It was a classic, pretty Cape Cod style home, but she redid the façade and now you can’t recognize it.

The men and the women’s New York Marathon races were won by Kenyans. It was a little awkward when Sarah Palin replied she was just glad nobody from Ebola ran.

A 25-year-old New York high school gym teacher, Megan Mahoney, was charged with 30 counts of rape for having sex with a 16-year-old male student 30 times. His friends charged him with 30 counts of . . . awesomeness.

She could be facing ten years in prison. He is looking at a lifetime of high-fives and free drinks. 

Since you asked;

For those who objected to, or, even more amazing, were shocked by Chris Rock’s “SNL” monologue? You need to go shop at Lives R Us.

The fact that the funny and timely monologue has caused a controversy is proof of my theory that critics are out-of-touch and humorless. The guy, Rock, is a comedian, in fact, a great one. He is not running for office.

There are two types of NFL teams right now: the ones going the right way and the ones going the wrong way. Sadly, my Bears and my adopted Chargers are the latter.