Wednesday, June 19, 2013

"It's that thing where they paint naked midgets blue and force-feed them bubblegum and then squeeze them until a bubble blows out of their butt...."

Substantive note, I’ll try and incorporate it into my choices, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

President Obama has nominated an HBO executive, James Costos, to be ambassador to Spain; today Miss Utah wished him luck on his appointment to South America.

As a result, Spain is now rated PG 13, violence, adult language and sexually-oriented nudity will occur.

A Florida man on a first date was beaten, robbed at gun point, stripped naked and abandoned in a field by her date’s brother and his friend; the good news is the second date will probably go better.

The Navy Seals now admit women; they figured out if they had a woman looking for a guy who cheated on four of his wives, they would have found Osama bin Laden five years earlier.

So it goes like this:

You’re out in local public. Not sorta, kinda public, like walking the dog in your neighborhood, I mean at the mall or grocery store public. You look ahead and you see a person coming you know. But you panic and you can’t remember their name. And you should remember their name. You used to know it through mutual friends and parties, school or soccer games, but right now you can’t remember. So you look down and avoid eye contact and throw your brain into serious memory mode.

Then you remember her name. Jennifer. OK, that’s fine, but what is her kid’s name? She was in a class and a soccer team with Ann Caroline and you have to ask her how she is doing. Oh crap, it started with a R. Rachel, that’s it, her kid’s name is Rachel. So what was her husband’s name, that guy that is kind weird? He had a weird name, too. Lawrence, that was it. Not Larry, he corrected you once when you called him Larry, it is Lawrence.

Whew, that was close, now your brain is fully downloaded to have a nice; “Oh, Lawrence and Rachel, I ran into Ann Caroline’s dad, Alex, and he was so nice. He asked about you guys” conversation.

Then you look up and are right about to say hello when it happens: It’s not the person you thought it was, they just looked like it. What happens next? Well, I get seriously pissed off at that person. How dare they make me go through all of that research and then not be the person I thought they were? Who the eff do they think they are fooling me like that?

Then I cut them a dirty look. 

But what's almost even worse? If it is Jennifer, and she clearly does not remember my name. But then you get a small feeling of superiority.