Monday, June 03, 2013

We flat-out snanny on the kerstinker flink hazinfloss, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Spoiler alert: Did you see the latest HBO “Game of Thrones?” So many popular lead characters were killed off you’d think it was on NBC. 

According to a TMZ poll, Justin Bieber’s popularity is dropping. To give you an idea how bad it is, Justin’s monkey is cheating on Justin with one of the One Direction guys.

To give you an idea how bad it is, Taylor Swift broke up with Justin before they even went out.

The Chicago Blackhawks have a two game lead on the Los Angeles Kings in the Western finals. People in Los Angeles are shocked. We have a hockey team? Since when?

Justin Bieber is coming out with his own line of cologne; it’s the perfect Father’s Day gift for absolutely nobody.

Kanye West and Kim Kardashian are expecting a girl; this is exciting, the Harvard debate team is holding a spot for 2031.

The Chicago Blackhawks have a two game lead on the Los Angeles Kings in the Western Conf. finals. This is bad news because hockey is at least as important to Los Angeles sports fans as surfing is to the folks in Minneapolis.

Since you asked:

Watching the Kings-‘Hawks game, it occurs what is the difference between California sports fans and more avid sports fans.

Some of my California friends had trouble with “Silver Linings Playbook” because they just couldn’t buy a whole family being that nuts about a football team. In Philadelphia, New York, Boston and Chicago, everyone is like that.

Take the Chargers. I’m a die-hard Bear fan, but I like the Chargers. Love the powder blue uniforms, follow their exploits, etc. My lovely wife asked me to a game last season in her company’s luxury box, free parking, free food, free booze. And I said no thanks. Would rather go surfing, and come back and watch the recording on my Hi Def screen and speed through the commercials.

Lots of supposed San Diego Charger fans are just like me.

Yes, there is a core of die-hard Chargers fans, and they are awesome. They tailgate out of their trucks, the whole family wears Chargers jerseys, they have season tickets. They paint their faces and bring signs. They cheer at all the right moments.

But they are only about 25,000 of them, the rest – and the vast majority - are crappy, half-assed fans like me.

This point was brought home to me when I went to a USC-Notre Dame game in the Rose Bowl. Are the Notre Dame fans die hard? Yes. Are they nuts? Certainly. Does the outcome of a Notre Dame football game effect them in a way that is way out of whack with normal priorities? Yes. But they are generally funny, nice and friendly.

The USC fans? Pretty sure most of them were there because they thought they looked so good in their sporty burgundy and gold sportswear. Notre Dame fans are named Stewie, Tommy, Dougie and Danny. USC fans are named Tasker. (It is a family name)  

The group I was with was a bunch of ex-Princeton football players in town for our good friend, the Doctor’s, bachelor party. We wanted Notre Dame to win, but nobody was wearing green. How many beers were we offered to us by tailgating Notre Dame fans? Too many to count. How many beers were offered to us from the USC fans? Zero. Zip. Nada. Most were drinking wine anyway.

Now keep in mind, there are four of us, all, except for the more normally-sized Doctor, were around the same height and weight. Over six foot and over 200 pounds, big chests and shoulders. We were inside the Rose Bowl trying to find our seats, when we stopped to look at the seat numbers on our tickets, a really preppy-looking 30-ish USC fan yelled at us to get the eff out of his way.

Without a word being passed, we all thought the same thing and proceeded to form a tight wall right in front of him, our backs to him, completely obstructing his view while waiting for him to do something about it.

Poor little USC fan, Skipper I bet was his name, just sat there quietly looking like he was going to soil his pants while the crowd laughter and applause around us grew and grew. They had seen and heard his rude tirade and enjoyed our response. (One of Skipper’s friends asked what was going on. Skipper said; “They were in my way so I yelled at them, now they think they’re funny. She replied; “Oh, so you did deserve this.”)

We finally left to go to our seats right about when Skipper was just about to go from red-faced to crying. (Sorry, John Snake, but it is all true)

Not to imply all California fans are close to as obnoxious as USC fans are, but there is a big difference.

Californians in general are good sports fans. They are, generally speaking, athletic, in good shape and knowledgeable. Hell, I’ll even take a USC fan over the fat, drunk morons who follow the Phillies or the Mets.

Think I am making this up? Compare the fans of the Kings to the Blackhawks. Yes, there is a great core of die-hard Kings fans. But most fans are like the celebrities who are there merely to be seen on camera.

No cheering during the Star Spangled Banner, ala the Madhouse. 

My theory on what happened in "GOT."

"Game of Thrones" spoiler alert.

Like almost everyone, thought the Red Wedding scene was way over the top and defined gratuitous violence. Oh well, thought I, must have been what happened in the book.

Turns out, no. Not exactly what happened in the book. Much worse. Now, I know "GOT" is not a comedy, but what if the creators of "Modern Family" decided to kill off Jay, Gloria, Manny, Mitchell and Phil? Wouldn't we be pissed? Yes. Would we watch it again? No.

So here is what I think happened. The makers of "GOT" fell in love with their genius of lopping off the head of Ned Stark. We were all shocked at what a gutsy and unusual move. So they decided to take it way, way too far. 

It will be fascinating to see how people respond to this creative betrayal, not to put too fine a point on it. But it is a form of betrayal. We invest a bit of ourselves when we decide to follow a series. Betray us one too many times and we are not coming back. 

Me? I will give "GOT" one more chance.