They don’t know how I am living for all of it at life and know what I’m knowing, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

The forecast calls for mild temperatures this week. In fact, it could be 69 all day. Just like Michael Douglas’s sex life.

A woman, represented by Gloria Allred, is suing United Airlines for failing to stop a man from masturbating in front of her mid-flight. Since then, United flight crews have been instructed on how to stop a man from masturbating. Just say two words; “Gloria Allred.”

Although on a United flight, apparently it wasn’t something special in the air.

Their case is weak. There is no United flight with that much elbow room.

Taco Bell is investigating a viral Facebook picture of a man in Taco Bell employee apparel, licking a big stack of tacos.  Isn’t licking a lot of tacos what gave Michael Douglass throat cancer?  

Friday is National Donut Day; because that is what our fat butts need; we need a National Donut Day like France needs a National Surrender Day.

That is the big water cooler topic, the red wedding in “Game of Thrones.” It was a wedding where almost all of the guests were killed. And, if that wasn’t brutal enough, the father of the bride kept all of their wedding presents.

More Random Lex Thoughts:

Jefferson Airplane? Overrated. Gracie Slick sucked. Jefferson Starship? Total schlock/crap.

We basically do three things: think, talk and do. We need to do more of latter and less of the prior. One of the priors. Or is talk the second latter? The do part, we need to do that. Yes.

Sometimes it does mean a thing even if it don’t got that swing.

It's nice when people are nice enough to say it is great I get to do what I love, comedy writing, for a living. But there is a part of me that wants to say;

"By great you mean writing all day - while even my close friends make jokes about me watching soap operas in a ratty yellow terrycloth bathrobe - and then having 95% rejected by people with no discernible sense of humor?" 

"And then when I do get paid, it is less than I deserve and way less than I need? Well, then, yeah, sure, it is great I get to do what I love for a living. "