Monday, April 01, 2013

Did you notice what I noticed? Get off your knees, you bunch of Pocahantases. It's called Stand Up Paddle for a reason. Sheesh.

YOLO, Hope Solo, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

North Korea has stepped up its rhetorical threats against other countries ; it is serious, today, France rhetorically surrendered.

In England, a baby was born that weighed 15 pounds, 7 ounces, twice the normal size; asked to comment, the mother said; “Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.”

A North Carolina company has an I.Q. test for dogs for $60 called Dognition; the first question is, A, are you a good doggy?, B, who is a good doggy?, C, is this my good puppy? D, none of the above.

I had a good Easter, I went to the beach and saw a silver-haired older man playing with his grandson in the water. Then I heard the 14-year-old boy call him Dad, and then I remembered: Happy 15th Anniversary, Viagra.

In the NCAA elite eight, Michigan stomped Florida 79-59. The last time I saw a Florida team lose this badly it was in a spelling bee.

Traveling to Germany, Justin Bieber had to leave his monkey in quarantine. And no, leaving his monkey in quarantine is not a euphemism for treating an STD.

Since you asked:

How about the unending lessons sports doth provideth?

One second I am in post-workout mirth blasting my outdoor speakers, firing up the lump charcoal chimney on the Weber, chopping up red onion for my Greek salad of cucumbers, Spanish olives, tomatoes, feta cheese to go with my grilled rack of lamb while enjoying both a young, smart cocktail and watching a great Louisville-Duke game, the next moment I am not sure if I am going to cry or wretch at the injury to Kevin Ware.

Happy Opening Day. Cubs win! Cubs win! 3-1, over Pirates.

Here are some of Lex’s Baseball Lexicons. Some mine, some borrowed.

A Gwen Steffani Homer. (No Doubt)

Linda Ronstadt fastball (Blue Bayou)

A Google hit (Random search that connects)

Let’s get some Politicians on the scoreboard (Crooked numbers)

You got Kardashians in the pool (Opponents with ducks on the pond, i.e., runners on base)

He Justin’d that Bieber (A lucky hit)

I’m your Huckleberry (A home run call)

Tattaglia's a pimp, he could never have outfought Santino (Bogus player team received in a bad trade) 

He is ready to eat his guts and ask for seconds (Home run call)

Say ‘ello to my leettle friend (Home run call)

A Leno tune (Close pitch to face, i.e., chin music)

Grab some real estate, Century 21 (Hitting the dirt after a brush-back pitch)

A Steven Wright (A hit that is off the wall)

He’s a Nike Factory worker ( A productive young player)

Uno, dos, you’re a ghost (Out on three straight strikes)

If you start me up, I'll never stop (Home run call) 

That is a playmate turn-on ( a nice walk)

That’s a Seal Team Six (a huge out)