Tuesday, April 17, 2012

It’s hard in the ‘bu for a boo, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Turns out three of the secret service agents who were suspended for hiring Columbian prostitutes were elite agents. Which is some coincidence because the hookers they hired were from a brothel called the Elite Agency.

The United States is the world’s largest exporter of sperm. Who could have ever guessed the world’s largest producer of online porn would also be the world’s largest sperm exporter?

A six-year-old girl in Georgia and an 11-year-old girl in Colorado had to be handcuffed and jailed after violent tantrums; that is simply horrible. They didn’t use mace, tasers or straight jackets? What’s the use of this technology if they don’t use it on unruly brats? 

11 secret service agents are suspended due to hiring prostitutes in Columbia; one of the prostitutes had a huge butt and no education so they gave her the secret service codename Kardashian.

In an interview on “Today” Madonna said it was hard to be Madonna. I, for one, believe her, you try and be a hugely rich performer on virtually no talent whatsoever. It’s hard.

"Poor Madonna, I feel so sorry for her," said absolutely nobody on the planet.

All kidding aside, I do feel for Madonna. You try and see how long you can go talking in a phony British accent.

Since you asked:
One thing I can say about our beloved dog, Wrigley, is he is one schedule-sticking dog. Wrigley, in fact, can keep to a schedule way better than someone else who lives in this house who shall remain nameless but whose name rhymes with Shershinia.

Wrigley knows exactly what time he gets fed. And he will begin giving me the bidness on the 7:00 hour. The bidness is when he makes sure he is in my line of sight, sits glaring sweetly and rocking back from one front paw to the other. Every few minutes he throws in a hand nudge with his snout.

At exactly 2:30, Wrigley does the same routine for his snack and a nap. He has to, a, get a treat and then, b, retire to his bed in the garage for a two hour snooze.

Was going to write some snippy things about another sub-culture group, but I decided to take the high road. Suffice it to say if you see a hipster Prius driver with a skateboard, he ain't my kind of guy.