Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Look out, everybody, it's a bass-ackwards surfin' daaaaaaawwwwwwwwg

If a frog had wings it wouldn't bump its ass a-hoppin', Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Did you know three dogs survived the Titanic? Two of the dogs were males who got in the lifeboats by dressing like a couple of bitches.

A Muncie, IN woman was arrested after she attempted to rip off the testicles of her boyfriend who broke up with her. No lie, he was treated at Ball Memorial Hospital. And she will probably be hired by Gloria Allred.

A study claims Words with Friends can be addicting. So I could be Words With Friends Junkie. J-U-N-K-I-E with E landing on triple word score for 66 points.

An earthquake of 8.6 magnitude hit in the Indian Ocean; when informed, an American high school student said; “Excuse me, but that is not Indian Ocean, it is Native American Ocean.”

Since you asked:

It is official, there is now a three-way tie for models of cars that have the biggest a-holes driving them.

We all know the obvious is the Hummer. If there is a car that screams; "I don't give a crap about anything but myself," it is the Hummer. This is followed by the Range Rover.

Coming from behind to cause a three-way tie? The Prius.

The amount of dick moves I've witnessed by Prius drivers is amazing and now, like fat asses who shuffle their feet on the ground while hanging a long slow diagonal parking lot walk in front of your car, you will notice this all the time.


When it comes to arrogance, apparently people who don't give a crap about the environment, like Hummer and Range Rover drivers, are as bad as people who think they are saving the environment. The logic goes; "I'm saving the atmosphere, the rules don't apply." Truth is Prius owners are just cheap-bastards when it comes to buying gas.

This little nasty beyatch in her Prius on her iPhone blasted her horn at me because I made her stop in back of me at a stop sign.

Remember how I said you can measure a person's douche-ness by how far they stop their car in the crosswalk? Prius owners live in the middle of the crosswalk.

Attention Prius owners. You think you're saving the environment? Do you know how much fossil fuels were burned up making your POS? You want to improve the world? Get a bus pass. It gets your rude-ass off the road and it really does save on gas.

Sure, this is a blanket assessment. Not all Prius owners drive like poop sticks. Hell, once I saw an angry looking soccer mom in a black Range Rover stop all the way at a four-way stop sign. Anything is possible. I'm sure there are some Prius drivers who are conscientious drivers.

Not positive but I think Prius is Latin for douche-bag smug hipster.