Thursday, February 10, 2011

We’re up to no good now, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

A judge in England ruled a man too stupid to be allowed to have sex. In a related story, Paris Hilton had to cancel her trip to London.

In Washington, a woman was arrested after she bit the lower lip of another woman in a bar. She was charged with assault and two counts of a committing a really hot crime.

In Washington, a woman was arrested after she bit off the lower lip of another woman in a bar. She spit the lip out, she didn’t want any lip from that woman.

Washington police arrested a man who robbed a convenience store and was extremely polite while doing it saying yes sir, please and thank you. You know times are weird when even our criminals are nicer than the clerks at Blockbuster.

Alex Rodriguez is furious over Fox showing him getting fed popcorn by Cameron Diaz. And who can blame him? Every time 111 million people see me getting fed by a sexy woman movie star, it upsets me no end.

Hey, A-Rod. If you don’t want to be seen on camera, maybe don’t go to the Super Bowl with one of the most famous actresses on the planet.

Lindsay Lohan is going to be charged with grand theft for stealing a diamond necklace. It is impossible to conceive how Lindsay Lohan keeps making such bad choices given the smart and grounded parental advice she gets.

People object to the Super Bowl Pepsi Max commercial as racist because it depicts a black woman throwing a can and hitting a white girl. And they’re upset to find out neither the E-Trade babies nor the Geico gecko can actually talk.

Fort Wayne was going to name a building after a mayor, but decided not to because of jokes about his name: Harry Baals. A statement read; “Although a fine mayor, we don’t want jokes about Harry Baals,” said Fort Wayne spokesperson, Dick Hurtz.

A judge in England ruled a man was too stupid to have sex. This is a scary ruling for Levi Johnston.

After supposedly undergoing at-home rehab, Charlie Sheen threw a Super Bowl party in his mansion’s porn room. He had to use the porn room, the Hookers and Cocaine room was getting fumigated.