Look out, everybody, 'cause it's another surfin' daaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwg.

You oughta go on and get away from here now, Miss Daisy and Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

The Dietary Guidelines for Americans for 2010 came out. The government says if people want to lose weight they need to eat less. And to think people say the government is useless.

The Chicago storm is so nasty it blew chunks off the roof of Wrigley Field. Normally the words blew chunks don’t apply to the Cubs until early September.

The Chicago storm is so nasty Bear QB Jay Cutler was shoveling his walk but had to quit half way due to a sore knee.

Chicago’s Lake Shore Drive, or LSD as locals call it, was shut down due to snow. When the headline read “LSD covered in White Powder”, Charlie Sheen booked a private jet from L.A. to O’Hare.

The Chicago storm is so nasty Bear QB Jay Cutler tried to throw a snowball, but the storm intercepted it and returned it for a touchdown.

Is it just me, or does House Speaker John Boehner look like the excited Shriner at the convention who keeps asking; “What time do the girls get here?”

“New Kids on the Block” singer Jonathon Knight admitted he was gay. In other shocking news, the Midwest is getting snow and guys are throwing rocks in Egypt.