Wednesday, August 04, 2010

What we need is an app for the app for the app’s app, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

CBS will premiere a new show this fall called “The Talk.” It features six mothers all talking about their children, or as I call it: Hell.

Another special interest group is protesting that the cast of “Jersey Shore” is giving them a bad name. That special interest group is called: Human beings.

Now it seems the Bristol Palin-Levi Johnston engagement is off for the second time because he may have gotten another girl pregnant. This isn’t a couple, this is a country music song on crack.

16-year-old Justin Bieber is publishing his memoirs. Do you really get to write your memoirs when you still are legally required to have a baby sitter?

16-year-old Justin Bieber is publishing his memoirs. Chapter One: ‘Life is like combing your hair: always go forward.’

Many people find it hard to believe that the cast of “Jersey Shore” can be as vain, stupid and shallow as they are. These people are called: People who have never been to the Jersey Shore.

NFL training camps open this week. Hundreds of football players vying to make 53 available spots. And that’s just the guys who will to date Kim Kardashian.

Northwestern University has a machine that reads brain waves to detect terrorist attacks. They’ve determined terrorists are most motivated to attack the US right after watching an episode of “Jersey Shore.”

“Jersey Shore’s ” “Snookie” was arrested this weekend. She was charged with disturbing the peace and the lesser charge of having a nickname that is way cuter than she deserves.

Right where they film “Jersey Shore” with Snookie, a shark washed up on the beach. It was smelly, slimy, stupid and scary. And besides Snookie, there was a shark.

Since you asked:

Watched “Discovery” channel’s shark attack episode that covered the fatal attack on our local beloved veterinarian and triathlete, Dr. David Martin, over two years ago.

They interviewed triathlete Debbie Noble. Talk about aptly named. She was swimming ten yards from Dr. Martin when he was attacked 100 yards offshore by a 15 foot great white shark and she swam to help him.

As someone who has been twenty yards away from a 15-foot great white shark while stand up paddle boarding – probably the same shark – almost exactly a year later, I can tell you the sense of panic and hysteria to get out of the water is almost overwhelming.

The fact that Debbie Noble swam towards her mortally wounded friend – at one point she said the dorsal fin was between her and the bloody water surrounding David – speaks of a level of bravery and selflessness that is almost beyond comprehension. We all would like to think we would react like that, but, trust me, it is not that simple.

And all of Dr. Martins friends came to his aide as well once Debbie cried for help; then they all swam him in to the beach.

Sadly, Dr. Martin did not make it. But he died doing what he loved among friends who risked their lives despite incredible danger and abject terror. It is my firm belief Debbie Noble has a very thankful and fit angel looking over her now and forever.

On a lighter note:

Not sure if you are, but you should be a regular on “Funny or Die” website. Check out the “Idiots” with Kate Bosworth and that other really hot chick. Zoe Saldana, I think her name is.

All of the clips feature either really rich and famous people or really poor and unknown people who have two things in common: they’re funny and they look hungover. Except for Zach Galifinakis. He is really funny and he looks really hungover.