Monday, July 26, 2010

This ranks up there with one of the greatest pranks ever*

You gotta play a player when a player gets played, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

The Gulf of Mexico had a massive oil spill and now hurricane Bonnie is forming. No word on when the plague of blood, frogs, lice and flies will follow.

There is a rumor of a Beach Boys 50-year reunion tour. Of course, since they’re older, the songs have changed. “Good Vibrations” is now “Bad Constipations

Newspaper circulations are at an all-time low. To show how low newspaper circulation is, in London they are eating fish and chips off of an Apple lap top.

MTV announced the show “Jersey Shore” will stay on the air. Thank goodness, losing the Amato Opera House, the closing of “Phantom of the Opera” and cancelling “Jersey Shore” would be a strain on the fine arts that would be too much to bear.

Two Wisconsin men were arrested for trying to dig up a woman’s corpse with the intention of having sex with it. Apparently they misunderstood her when she was alive and she told them they would have sex with her over her dead body.

Because of penalties from violations, USC football is losing top recruits. Their new coach, Lane Kiffin, who walked out on his Tennessee contract, is lecturing the recruits about honoring their commitments. Apparently USC stands for Unforgivably Sanctimonious Coach.

A study claims there is a trend of casual lesbian affairs among wealthy suburban housewives. This study was conducted by sociologists and all the losers who write letters to “Penthouse Forum”. “Dear Penthouse: I never believed your letters until the other day I was cleaning the taut Mrs. Smith’s pool and I saw her applying suntan lotion to the nubile Mrs. Jones.”

Since you asked:

Just enjoyed the world’s shortest family vacation. We had our house tented for termites – don’t get me started on what a nightmare and scam that is – so we checked into a local hotel that would abide our hounds, Wrigley and Kasey.

It wasn’t a staycation because we actually went someplace.

We stayed at a Residence Inn in Mira Mesa/Sorrento Valley just about eight miles away. It was fine. And the dogs were great. We knew Kasey, who is going to be 15 in August, was a good road dog, but Wrigley, our sweet cuddle bunny but with little or no sense, really stepped up and was almost a good dog.

*Brief history about the Cardiff statue. Many years ago it cost almost $200,000 for a statue of a surfer to go in front of the great surf break, Cardiff reef. Apparently they paid sight unseen because the end result is the goofiest and silliest surfer-meets-Liberace statue in history. Surfers absolutely hate the wildly unnatural, effeminate and campy pose the little girlish boy surfer poses, so they endlessly dress the thing in ballet tutus and Daisy Mae dresses and hats.

Things got ugly from my stand point when they put a broom in it's hand with a sign that said "No sweepers" and "No oarons" their derisive terms for stand up paddle board surfers. In fairness, it is a specific surf break, due to the reef, and there have been stand up paddle surfers who hog their share of rides giving us model stand up paddle board surfers a bad rap.

One of the statue's most polite nicknames is the Cardiff Kook and it has been dressed up as just about anything you can think of. Generally it has just been pranks aimed at the incredibly dainty aspect of the statue. Pumpkin head on Halloween, Santa hat at Christmas. Etc.

Until today. Genius arrived at Cardiff Reef in the form of a faux shark.

Attention Mark O'Snake, I got your call yesterday from the Surf cup, but, like the idiot I am, I accidentally erased it. Please call me back so I can put your cell on my phone list. We - AC's team -didn't get invited to Surf Cup this year. Didn't do well enough during the State playoffs. No substitutes and one player got sick and another sprained her ankle, not to make excuses, but it is true.