Whether you want to admit it or not, you were and still are one of these

Yo, toss a rhyme, G, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers



Fess Parker passed. This is sad news for everyone. Well, everyone but raccoons who didn’t want to become hats.


It’s reported Bernie Maddoff received a beating in prison that resulted in broken ribs and a broken nose. Apparently Bernie and his cellmate couldn’t agree on the theme for their bridal shower.


Its reported Bernie Maddoff received a beating in prison that resulted in broken ribs and a broken nose. I don’t have a joke, I just like saying Bernie Maddoff received a beating in prison that resulted in broken ribs and a broken nose.


Authorities are warning Mexico may be too unstable for vacationing spring break college students. Wow, a place has to be pretty unstable to be too unstable for spring break. That’s like a personal assistant who is too unstable for Naomi Campbell.


Jesse James apologized to Sandra Bullock for having an affair. Guys, by now we should have learned a big lesson: if guys as rich and powerful as Jesse James, Dave Letterman, Tiger Woods and John Edwards get caught cheating? Your sorry ass will get caught.



Toyota has bought a huge ad at Wrigley Field. Holy cow, Cubs fans, do you know what this means? The Cubs will accelerate and won’t be able to stop until they win the World Series.



In Philadelphia, Jihad Jane pleaded not guilty to terrorism. The way it works is when a female Jihadist dies, the good news is they get 72 male virgins. The bad news? They just send them to a Star Trek convention.


Gossip expert Perez Hilton reports that gold-digger Heather Mills has already gone through half her divorce settlement from Paul McCartney. If she keeps spending like that, financially, Heather won’t have a leg to stand on.


Spencer Pratt has left “The Hills” to study computer science at USC. Pratt is already enrolled in his first three USC computer classes: “Introduction to turning on a computer.” “Google 101” and “The Mouse, it’s not what it sounds like.”


Since you asked:

During the Leno bashing fest, I think I got what it is about Jimmy Kimmel that never clicked with me. Jimmy is a funny guy, and I really like his show. It's got a combination fun and cool vibe and it is hipper than some of the others.

But I just don't like Kimmel. He is too smug by about half.

Let me explain. In high school you play roles. Sometimes those roles are assigned to you sometimes the roles are chosen. My role was a jock. No two ways about it. Now I went to parties, I drank beer, I hung with the really cool kids, but I was a jock and was fine with that label. There were jock/cool guy cross-overs, but I was a jock. One half a step below the cool folks.

And those roles stick with you for life. George Clooney was a cool/jock. So was Brad Pitt. No matter h0w much money he makes, Bill Gates will always be the computer nerd. Barbra Striesand was the theater group designated difficult diva/bitch ever since getting the lead role in the play went to her head.

There was a small percentage of the stoners whose main job, besides making their military jackets reek of pot, was to hate the jocks. That was Judd Nelson in "The Breakfast Club." Because they were so clearly physically inferior to the jocks, their job was to insult and mock the jocks behind their backs. (If they mocked the jocks to their face, many of the jocks, not me, mind you, would beat the snot out of them)

That was Jimmy Kimmel. Kimmel hated the jocks and loved to cleverly rip them verbally. But in the end, the jocks got the really hot girls. And that, by any measure, is the final test of who was and was not cool in high school.

The interesting thing about the stoner/jock haters is that they are, like most of us, fueled by their insecurities. But often their insecurities are so great, often fueled again by their Napoleon-complex, they push and push until they are very successful. Like Kimmel and Glenn Frey and Irving Azoff of the Eagles and Richard Nixon.

The bad news for the stoner/jock haters? No matter how well they do, they never get over their rejection from the jocks and the cool kids from high school. Nixon called a former jock/bully from the oval office just to rub it in his face.

To Jimmy Kimmel, Jay Leno represents the jocks, so the gloves are off. But Leno wasn't a jock in high school, he was in the unique separate category: the car/nut grease monkeys. They were a parallel sub group of the jock-hater/stoners. So that is why it strikes me as mean-spirited when Kimmel goes after Leno. The lateral groups below the cool kids and jocks and socialites, the stoners, nerds, car-freaks, punky weirdos and the flamboyant theater-whackos, they all had an unwritten peace settlement to band together against the jocks and cool kids.

Kimmel violated that sacred pact by viciously attacking Leno. There is nothing worse than a former bully victim who gains power and then uses it to turn into a bully. This is evident with Rush Limbaugh, Michael Moore, that midget a-hole Redskins owner, Daniel Snyder, Oliver Stone, Howard Stern, Donald Trump, David Geffen, almost every difficult actor on the planet, the list goes on and on.

As did Letterman. David Letterman was clearly of the audio-visual dork sub group. They worked in the radio station and set up the projectors. They had quick wits and sharp tongues they also used to turn on the cool kids and jocks, like the stoner/jock haters, but they never picked on a fellow sub-group, like the car/greaser freaks.

The entertainment world is high school with money. But so is everywhere else. In short, nobody ever fully gets out of high school.

And the rules still apply.