This is what a lie looks like

The rain insane and mostly a royal pain, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

The Veterinary Pet Insurance Co. claims there are 106 pets named Peyton Manning and 32 named Drew Brees. I named my dog Brett Favre, but it kept running away to retire and coming back. So I changed his name to Detroit Lions, now he can't go anywhere.

A New Jersey man was indicted for shooting his parrot because it was squawking too loudly during a NASCAR race on TV. The man claims he was just giving his wife fair warning prior to the Super Bowl.

New Jersey man was indicted for shooting his parrot because it was squawking too loudly during a NASCAR race on TV. Listen up, New Jersey, if you want us to stop making jokes about you, you have to stop doing stuff like this.

The rain in San Diego is amazing. California has to be the only place where they declare a drought when my neighbor's dog is swimming between their pool and Jacuzzi.

A New Jersey man was indicted for shooting his parrot because it was squawking too loudly during a NASCAR race on TV. Not to say this guy is white trash, but when they asked his wife and sister to comment, she declined.

Osama bin Laden released another audio tape blaming the US for global warming and strongly suggesting you take the Colts and give the five points.

There is a new Brett Favre Wrangler jean commercial for the Super Bowl. It’s embarrassing, in this one, at the last second, Favre’s pants get intercepted and returned for a touchdown.

Since you asked:

The serious rape charges against Michael Irvin are about as shocking as the news Brett Favre is mulling over retirement.

When I briefly talked to him during media day at the Super Bowl in San Diego, Irvin was as rude, curt, sullen and dismissive off camera as he was energetic, clever and charming on camera.

But that was nothing compared to what was revealed about Irvin the next day on "The Dave, Shelly and Chainsaw Show" on KGB.

A woman who worked for KGB was chauffeuring Irvin back to his hotel, less than five minutes after Irvin pontificated on air the importance of his marriage, family and Jesus, Irvin then exposed himself to her demanding sexual service and then threatened her with litigation and violence if she said anything to anyone.

Irvin's victim in this case was no greedy golddigger. In fact, she insisted on letting the incident go so she could put it past her.

My bet is this won't be the only post to spring up on Twitter, blogs or Facebook accusing Irvin of the same thing or even worse.

Michael Irvin is a human cesspool of lies and hypocrisy and deserves everything that happens to him, as long as it is bad. Including prison.

That Dallas team of coach Jimmy Johnson, owner Jerry Jones, Michael Irvin, Troy Aikman and Deion Sanders had to be the biggest collection world class flaming a-holes ever to coagulate into a steaming rancid and fetid sewer-clogging clump.

But, as bad as the rest of those "How 'bout those boys?" schmucks are, Irvin is the only one accused of rape.

Now ask me how I really feel.

On a slightly lighter note, this rain in San Diego is wild. When did we trade states with Oregon? I never signed up for this. My stand up paddle surfboard has forgotten who I am.

Do not forget me, Groucho the Gaucho, for I will be riding you shortly.