Our perspective gives our perspective perspective, true ‘dat, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Will Smith’s wife, Jada Pinkett, says Will is considering going into California politics. So the man in black will soon be a man in the red.

The Super Bowl is coming up, I am so excited I am going to party hard before the game, but then sneak in and watch the game in the privacy and comfort of my own bank.

Friday night in Connecticut, actor Rip Torn was so intoxicated, he broke into a bank thinking it was his home; thus making Rip Torn the most accurately named celebrity besides Andy Dick.

Apple is under fire for the name of their new product, iPad. A spokeswoman for Apple said; “When people say our iPad sounds like a menstrual cycle product, I get so mad I could cry.”

President Barack Obama is getting grief for using a teleprompter in a speech to school children; or as former President Bush used to call the teleprompter: “That fangled Tee Elly Pro Meptor machine.”

The PGA had its first tournament of the year without Tiger Woods, Ben Crane won the Farmers Insurance Open at Torrey Pines. The tournament without Tiger was sort of like sex is for Tiger with just one cocktail waitress instead of three: it’s good, just not the same.

Friday night in Connecticut, actor Rip Torn was so intoxicated, he broke into a bank thinking it was his home; he started to suspect it wasn’t his home when the pen he used to write a “to do” list was chained to the table.

Argentina President Christina Fernandez told her people to spice up their sex lives by eating pork, I can see the erectile dysfunction commercial now: a man and a women in their side-by-side bathtubs eating baby back ribs.

Sadly, “Catcher In the Rye” author J.D. Salinger passed away. He was a brilliant man who wrote a great book, but he hated publicity. He was sort of the anti-Sarah Palin.

Since you asked:

Smacking gum. Shuffling shoes loudly. Hitting the horn-honk car lock button when somebody is right in front of your car. Blocking the way in a grocery store and then acting annoyed when they have to move. Calling a wrong number and hanging up pissed.

These are all probable and likely signs somebody is a dew-hew-you-who-ewwww-che bagggg.