Santa Barbara, a little slice of heaven on earth

She she still got her some rumble in that bumble, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers


There was a horse entered in the sixth race at Hollywood Park Friday named Drive-like-Tiger, but it scratched. Drive-Like-Tiger got hurt before the race by a horse named Hits-like-Elin.


Los Angeles Laker Ron Artest used to drink cognac at halftime when he played for the Chicago Bulls; but that was only when they played the LA Clippers so he could play at their level.


Los Angeles Laker Ron Artest used to drink cognac at halftime when he played for the Chicago Bulls; other NBA players refute that saying it is ridiculous, Artest wouldn’t drink cognac during a game, for crying out loud. It was bourbon.


Congratulations to the New Jersey Nets who finally won a game and are 1-18. The Nets tried to celebrate by cutting down the nets, but they kept missing the basket with the ladder.


Apparently the third of seven of Tiger Woods’s paramours, Jamiee Grubbs, has not been at all exclusive with Tiger. Let’s just say Jamiee has had more guys play her’s than the 18th at Pebble Beach.


Apparently the third of seven of Tiger Woods’s paramours, Jamiee Grubbs, has not been exclusive with Tiger. Let’s just say Jamiee is what they call in golf parlance: an easy par 5.


Apparently the third of Tiger Woods’s paramours, Jamiee Grubbs, has quite a record of multiple rich boyfriends and a drug record. To date a class act like her I bet Tiger had to use a real smooth line like; “Do you take credit cards?”


Apparently Tiger Woods’s lovers claim Tiger is quite the Tiger in bed. Let’s just say, in golf parlance, Tiger doesn’t play like he is on the clock and there are no gimmes, he always holes out.


Have you seen the path Tiger Woods drove when he crashed his car? He hit five things in 200 yards, including a wall, a tree and a fire hydrant. And here I thought Tiger was only half Asian.


Have you seen the path Tiger Woods drove when he crashed his car? He hit four things in 200 yards, including a bush, a wall, a tree and a fire hydrant. That South Korean woman who flunked her driver’s test 950 times can drive better than Tiger.


Now it seems an eighth Tiger Woods lover has surfaced. How many strumpets will there eventually be? You guessed it, Tiger likes to play a round of 18.


Have you seen the path Tiger Woods drove when he crashed his car? Here is the list of things Tiger has hit: most greens in regulation, a bush, a wall, a tree, a fire hydrant and at least seven trampy cocktail waitresses.


Paula Abdul wants to host a talk show. I think her first guest should be Ozzie Osbourne. Between the two of them you couldn’t understand the captions. “So, Ozzie, frez bull labbul stinker?” “Well, Paula, snarfin goosle flarkin meisner.”