Grilled ribs on the menu tonicht. And, yes, San Diego Sunsets. (Tumbler full of ice, Mount Gay Rum, coconut water and a squeeze of lime)

Imma gonna Imma, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers


The New Jersey Nets are 0-18. Even the New York Knicks are making jokes about the Nets.


The New Jersey Nets are 0-18. The Nets stink so much you can even smell them in New Jersey.


President Barack Obama is going to send more troops to Afghanistan. And Tiger Woods wants to be one of them.


It turns out everyone on the PGA tour knew about Tiger Woods’s womanizing. That explains why when they interviewed Tiger, all the golfers snickered when he said he’d like to score a 69.


The good news for Tiger Woods? A new sponsor is courting him. The bad news? It’s Cheetah’s Strip Clubs.”


The Tiger Woods scandal has quieted a little. Tiger still has a lot of groveling, apologizing and explaining to do. And that’s just to his sponsor Buick for driving a Cadillac Escalade.


The Georgia Supreme Court has ruled teachers can have sex with their 16- year-old or older students if the sex is consensual. In a related story, all of the teachers in Florida are now moving to Georgia.



The Georgia Supreme Court ruled teachers can have sex with 16- year-old or older students if the sex is consensual. To which one student asked; “But what if I drive a Chevy instead of a Consensual?”



The Mrs. Keaton mom from “Family Ties”, Meredith Baxter, came out as a lesbian on the “Today” show; “Mallory, fix dinner, Mom’s playing softball.” “Alex, I can’t, I’m packing Mom’s backpack for her camping trip with the girls.”



First Tiger and his wife, Elin, now there are strong rumors of big trouble with Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie’s marriage. What’s the secret of a good marriage? Don’t be around women when you look like Brad Pitt or Tiger Woods.



The Tiger/Elin Woods story is amazing. Can you imagine a blonde Swedish swimsuit model attacking a car with a golf club? That’s not supposed to turn me on, right?


The Tiger/Elin Woods story is amazing. Married guys across the country are dumbfounded. Tiger was out dating women when he could have been playing golf? What is wrong with him?



Tiger Woods is married to Elin Nordegin, a scorching hot blonde Swedish bikini model who, incidentally, let’s Tiger play golf whenever he wants. Well, no wonder he cheated on her, what a shrew.


Paula Abdul wants to host a daytime talk show. But in her case, legally it would have to be called a Daytime Mumble and Slur Show.


Paula Abdul wants to host a daytime talk show. This would be the first talk show ever that would require captions for the hostess.


Happy 61st birthday to Ozzie Osbourne, wow, he looks great for his age. Oh, sorry, I thought that was 161st birthday.

Since you asked;

Got up early to go surf, but it is high tide and cloudy and cold. I can take one of those, not all three.

So I went and got the X-mas tree. 20 minutes total. Put it up. It looks great. Got some breakfie. Drank coffee. Wrote e-mails. Wrote many Tiger jokes. Did you know Tiger's third - if you're keeping score at home - Jaimee Grubbs, has not been exclusive to Tiger? Let's just say more people have played her's than the 18th at Pebble Beach.

So I am feeling kind of smug. Lost track of time, thought to myself, Lex (yes, not only do I refer to myself in the third person, I do it with a stupid nickname ) you owe yourself an early afternoon cocktail at one o'clock or so, which should be soon. Looked down at my watch, it is 10:00 am.

Here are my questions: should I be worried and how worried should I be? I am thinking the answers are yes and very.


Since you asked, 2:

Sure, I can hear it, there is a groundswell, an Internet buzz, a mass muttering, a tempest of talking out there and it is asking:

“Lex, buddy, pal, raconteur, sumptuous girl-toy, bon vivant mother humpin’ man-about-town, how do you grill you some baby back ribs?

Great question, Slatteens and Nugiles.

Ribs
Peel the membrane from the back of the ribs. Use a paper towel to get some traction. Get a large plastic tub/container and fill in 1/3 full with apple juice. Mix in a half a cup of sea salt and mix until dissolved. Add a good dusting of garlic powder. Brine marinate those puppies for two hours.

Preheat oven 225. Make a rub of garlic powder, fresh ground pepper, Old Bay seasoning, paprika and cumin. (Should be a golden red color like the side of a California hill at sunset) Rub that into the ribs, and I mean rub it in.

Pour beer into the bottom of those two panel roasting pans with vents in the top panel. Place ribs on meat side up and loosely tent with tin foil. Let cook for four hours.

Pour yourself a San Diego Sunset (Tumbler full of ice, Mount Gay Rum, coconut water, squeeze of lime) and put on iPod playlist of underrated songs including most of the songs from “The Concert for George” and “The Commitments” including Clapton’s “Beware of Darkness” and “Dark End of the Street.” Imbibe deeply of both.

BBQ Sauce
Dice an onion, sauté it until translucent, add a cup of peach preserves, big dollop of apple cider vinegar, dollop of Worcestershire, dollop of molasses, dollop of mustard, big dollop of ketchup, big dollop of your favorite barbeque sauce . Mine is Kansas City Barbeque sauce. Let it simmer down by half, turn off.

Grilling
Soak mesquite wood chips, place them in the smoker, turn the grill on to about 250 degrees, but just use the two right burners. Place the smoker over the far right burner. Once it starts smoking put the ribs on the left grill that is off. Smoke for about two hours.

Last half hour, slather on the barbeque sauce. Last ten minutes, more slathering, place the ribs over the burners that are on and get grill marks and caramelizing.

Serve with cole slaw, baked beans and hot corn bread muffins with a tall cold beer. Have wet wipes handy.

And then slap me baffy-headed and call me Betty-Sue. Neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Haawwwwww.

Sumptuous girl toy? Oh, good lord.