Can a brother get a hey-nan-nanny and a ha-cha-cha up in here one time, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers?


Mark Sanford calls his Argentine tryst a "a forbidden and tragic love story." Or as we non-a-holes call that: adultery.

This just in: Joe Biden just delivered a two and a half hour speech. The topic? Brevity.

A woman walked into a Beverly Hills plastic surgeon and reported she wanted to be just like Paris Hilton; so the doctor said, "Great, take off your clothes, bend over and I'll get the video camera."

"People" magazine featured Chastity Bono's announcement she is going to undergo a sex change operation. From the picture my only question is: from what to what?

"People" magazine featured Chastity Bono's announcement she is going to undergo a sex change operation. Apparently she wants to see what life is like as a really scary guy.

Barack Obama got a little testy with the press when they asked him about his broken promise to quit smoking. I haven't seen a president that cranky about smoking since Monica accidentally broke one of Bill's Cuban cigars.

Overheard at the Beverly Hills Sex Change Office:

"I'm sorry, Chastity Bono, but you're going to have to be more specific when you say you want a sex change operation."

I had an awkward moment today when I offered a high five to Chaz Bono on her incredibly fast and successful sex change operation.

Elizabeth Hasselbeck says a lawsuit accusing her of plagiarism is “without merit.” She went on to add these are the times that try men's souls, but she has nothing to fear but fear itself."

Environmentalists claim being naked for more than two hours a day will help fight global warming. Yeah, but it will kill the walk-in business at Krispy Kreme donuts.