We manufacture our self-righteous indignation by hand, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Environmentalists say living naked for a few hours a day will help prevent global warming, to which South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford said; “That’s what I was doing with that Argentine woman, we weren’t having an affair, we were saving the earth. Yeah, that’s it.”

South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford now admits he saw his Argentine mistress, Maria, five times including several times in New York. To which Elliot Spitzer asked; “So how much does she charge?”

Manny Rameriz is set to end his 50 game suspension for taking steroid-masking female hormones; Manny claims he no longer takes female hormones which explains why he can no longer tolerate watching "The View."

Environmentalists say being naked for a few hours a day will help prevent global warming, the environmentalists did not explain, however, how ruining the upholstery helps global warming.

This is good news for everyone except the employees at the Krispy Kreme home office.

Environmentalists say being naked for a few hours a day will help prevent global warming; oh, guys, you thought "The View" was tough to watch before?

Environmentalists say being naked for a few hours a day will help prevent global warming, let us all take a moment to pray this information does not reach Kirsty Alley or Rush Limbaugh.

You can learn from all these political sex scandals. For example, Mark Sanford taught me that a person from Argentina is Argentine, not Argentinian, Elliot Spitzer taught me the difference between a call girl and a hooker is about $1,000, John Edwards taught me that the illegitimate child is not the one that is the bastard, the father is, and Idaho Senator Larry Craig taught me to never, ever touch anything in an airport men's room.

Chicago Cubs manager, Lou Piniella, allegedly told Milton Bradley he was not a ball player, he was a piece-of-sh&t. Which is titanically unfair. The way Bradley has been dogging it around the bases, screaming at umpires and getting ejected, blowing catches and missing the cut-off man in the outfield and generally batting like a drunken debutante in high heels, Milton isn't a piece of sh&t, he is a huge ol' big steaming pile of fetid sh&t.

Let's clear that up straight away.

Sammy Sosa taught me as a Cubs fan the hard way that a selfish, stupid guy who is clubhouse cancer can infect and destroy the hardest working team of hustlers and go-get'ers. The lackluster outfield play of Alfonso Soriano is the proof. the thinking has to be human nature; "That idiot is getting paid a fortune to loaf, why am I busting my hump?"

Since you asked:

Although it would be stupid to test this theory, it is my contention that if I went in the backyard and gathered some of Wrigley's deposits, put it in a professional looking well-packaged bag with the words Organic, Gluton-Free, All-Natural, Low-Fat, High-Fiber, Low-Calorie with anti-oxidents and then snuck it in front of my wife at our local health store grocery, Jimbos, Virg would buy it and bring it home.