Tuesday, March 17, 2009

We gonna get our persnickety on up in here, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Tacky tax
New York is going to charge a $10 tax to enter a strip club.
Ex-Gov Elliot Spitzer is calling his accountant to see of he can claim Tiffany and Brandi as dependents.

Is this what they call a pole tax?

Not good
Prison is not going well for Bernie Madoff.
Let’s just say Bernie officially changed his last name from Madoff to Made-a-bitch.

Again, not good
Prison is not going well for Bernie Madoff.
Let’s just say the prisoners are doing to Madoff what he did to his clients for twenty years.

Long way
At the Doral golf tournament, Phil Michelson drove the ball 350 yards.
It is the farthest anyone has driven that wasn’t a crazy lady astronaut wearing a diaper.

The Republican party is in trouble so what do they do?
They announce Rush Limbaugh is the face of the republican party. That’s like the Titanic announcing they are adding another pool.

Wonder who that could be?
Levi Johnston and Sarah Palin’s daughter, Bristol, have broken off their engagement.
This just in: Levi Johnston was just mysteriously shot at by someone flying overhead in a helicopter.

Not since then
Donald Trump has a line of meat, Trump Steaks. Trump’s Kobe beef filets are just over $150 a pound.
Nobody has paid that much for meat since, well, ex-New York governor Eliot Spitzer.

Times have changed
It has been one year since Eliot Spitzer resigned as New York Gov. for hiring hookers.
To show how things have changed, now instead of expensive hookers, Spitzer can only afford to buy his wife different wigs.

Oh, sure
China is demanding that we guarantee their investments in our economy.
I say sure, we guarantee China’s investments, but we can’t promise they don’t contain lethal amounts of lead.

Indiana vs. Idaho
An Indiana man was arrested for masturbating out by his mail box.
He claimed he wanted to show his neighbors “who was boss.” In Idaho that’s how you show who is senator.

Once again
In Florida, a high school teacher was arrested for giving her male student naked pictures of her.
The bad news is she could go to jail, the good news? The kid got an A in female anatomy.

Don't they have any other faces?
Rush Limbaugh is now the face of the republican party, but the symbol of the party is still the elephant.
One is a huge, fat scary rampaging beast and the other is an elephant.

The economy is so rough Sigfreid and Roy ate one of their tigers.

The auto industry is hurting. You can tell, today Ford launched their newest line of cars: the Ford Foreclosure.

Pose this question
Umpire Tim McClelland said when Alex Rodriguez took steroids, they weren’t outlawed by baseball, so it was OK.
Murder isn’t specifically outlawed by baseball, but does that make what A-Rod does to the Yankees playoff hopes OK?

Osama bin Laden turned 52 last week. You can tell Osama is getting older, to get the grey out of his beard Osama is using Just For Mullah’s hair coloring.

Since you asked:
It makes me proud to say there are not many things that I truly despise, but one of them is the band Rush. Folks, for the last time:


There isn’t even rock for pseudo-intellectuals, which is more accurate. Attention all avid Rush, Emerson, Lake and Palmer, Frank Zappa and especially Depeche frickin’ Mode fans, there is only music made by losers, dorks, geeks, nerds, sketch-bags and twinks for losers, dorks, geeks, nerds, sketch-bags and twinks..

But that’s just my opinion . . .