We gonna bounce that beyatch right outta this piece, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers
Rough times
The economy is so rough that Ill. Gov. Rod Blagojevich had to accept an I.O.U. bribe.
Interesting
Ill. Dem. Gov. Rod Blagojevich was arrested for selling Barack Obama’s Senate seat to the highest bidder. It’s interesting because the name Blagojevich is a Serbian word that means “Blatant Whore.”
Remember when Plaxico Burress accidentally shot his gun off in his pants? He nearly shot off his Blagojehvich.
Ill. Dem. Gov. Rod Blagojevich was arrested for selling Barack Obama’s Senate seat to the highest bidder. More bad news for Blagojevich, the highest bidder was Lehman Brothers.
Ill. Dem. Gov. Rod Blagojevich was arrested for selling Barack Obama’s Senate seat to the highest bidder. Suddenly Elliot Spitzer hiring a couple of whores doesn’t sound so bad.
Not good
Paris Hilton is lobbying for the role of Tinkerbell in a new Peter Pan movie. Is that a good idea? When Tinkerbell drinks the poison and Peter Pan pleads for everyone to believe in her to save her, I’m pretty sure Paris would be, well, screwed.
We kid the Louisiana
A study reveals Louisiana is the unhealthiest state in the U.S. In fact, in Louisiana the only known aerobic activity is chasing your cousin to bed.
A study reveals Louisiana is the unhealthiest state in the U.S. Louisiana is so unhealthy, it’s not just a red state, it’s a red, swollen and blotchy state.
A study reveals Louisiana is the unhealthiest state in the U.S. Louisiana is so unhealthy, you know what they call it when they light a cigarette by striking a match instead of a lighter? Exercise.
A study reveals Louisiana is the unhealthiest state in the U.S. Louisiana is so unhealthy gravy is considered a sports drink.
A study reveals Louisiana is the unhealthiest state in the U.S. Louisiana is the only state where soaking the corns on your feet in an inflatable pool is considered water aerobics.
Blogging on Blago
Ill. Dem. Gov. Rod Blagojevich was arrested for selling Barack Obama’s Senate seat to the highest bidder. Is it just me or does Blagojevich look like the shift manager at Circuit City who keeps hitting on the cocktail waitress at Chili’s?
Is it just me or does Blagojevich look like the shoe salesman who keeps reminding you should be able to wiggle your toes?
Just so you know, Barack Obama looks senatorial, Rod Blagojevich looks like the Ace Hardware salesman who sold me a light fixture.
Is it just me or does Blagojevich look like a guy who wears two-tone collar shirts and refers to his employees as people a lot? “People, people, listen up.”
You can tell this Blagojevich guy is oily by looking at him: he’s not dumb enough to be white trash but he never quite got that A.A. degree from Lombard Ill. Junior College.
You can tell this Blagojevich guy is sleazy, I bet you anything this guy loves to prop his feet up on his desk while on the phone saying; “I don’t want any crap” a lot.
The skinny
The Beautiful Jennifer Connelly is hitting the talk shows promoting her movie “The Day the Earth Stood Still” Now I don’t want to say Connelly is skinny, but Nicole Richey is begging her; “Please, woman, for the love of god, eat a burger.”
Now I don’t want to say Jennifer Connelly is skinny, but if it’s true the camera adds twenty pounds, she weighs twenty pounds.
Since you asked:
So, Lex, I ask myself, what do Jay and Conan (or Conski O’Boneski as I call him) have to do to get their shows to play earlier?
Jay doesn’t have to do much at all. It might alter his monologue a touch. I’m not sure if standards and practices has words that can be said at 11:30 but can’t be said at 10:00.
The earlier the time slot the lower the audience’s attention span, which could be good for Jay’s format. Less idiotic rambling bad stories from vapid self-possessed movie stars whoring their projects; more skits and remote pieces. Those bits are in Jay’s wheelhouse. Plus I think more stand up comedians would fit at 10:00 which I think Leno has to do more of anyway.
If you saw Conan host the Emmys or any of his Chicago, San Francisco shows, you know he already knows what to do. He is going to go bigger and more professional and a little less familial and silly. But I hope he keeps the masturbating bear. Hell, the blueprint on how to go from 12:30 to 11:30 was perfected by Dave and Conan is more than smart enough to follow it.
Here is my idea for a great remote skit and a good example of why nobody will ever give me my own talk show:
“Whose is bigger?”
You take Jay or Conan out on a crowded street with a camera crew and a gorgeous registered nurse and a booth, you stop two guys – preferably with a wife or girlfriend, or boyfriend in tow - and ask them a series of questions, how much do you weigh? Hobbies? What kind of job do you have? If they have a partner you ask if she/he is happy in bed? How many people have they slept with?
And then the audience votes on “Whose is bigger?” Then gorgeous nurse takes them inside a booth - with a tape measure and a magnifying glass for comedic effect - and emerges with the answer and then they flash the result.
What? Everyone does it anyway, why not make a funny skit out of it?
And get a big screen and enter a chat room and mess with the idiots in there. It is hilarious and I have no idea why a talk show hasn't tried it.
Rough times
The economy is so rough that Ill. Gov. Rod Blagojevich had to accept an I.O.U. bribe.
Interesting
Ill. Dem. Gov. Rod Blagojevich was arrested for selling Barack Obama’s Senate seat to the highest bidder. It’s interesting because the name Blagojevich is a Serbian word that means “Blatant Whore.”
Remember when Plaxico Burress accidentally shot his gun off in his pants? He nearly shot off his Blagojehvich.
Ill. Dem. Gov. Rod Blagojevich was arrested for selling Barack Obama’s Senate seat to the highest bidder. More bad news for Blagojevich, the highest bidder was Lehman Brothers.
Ill. Dem. Gov. Rod Blagojevich was arrested for selling Barack Obama’s Senate seat to the highest bidder. Suddenly Elliot Spitzer hiring a couple of whores doesn’t sound so bad.
Not good
Paris Hilton is lobbying for the role of Tinkerbell in a new Peter Pan movie. Is that a good idea? When Tinkerbell drinks the poison and Peter Pan pleads for everyone to believe in her to save her, I’m pretty sure Paris would be, well, screwed.
We kid the Louisiana
A study reveals Louisiana is the unhealthiest state in the U.S. In fact, in Louisiana the only known aerobic activity is chasing your cousin to bed.
A study reveals Louisiana is the unhealthiest state in the U.S. Louisiana is so unhealthy, it’s not just a red state, it’s a red, swollen and blotchy state.
A study reveals Louisiana is the unhealthiest state in the U.S. Louisiana is so unhealthy, you know what they call it when they light a cigarette by striking a match instead of a lighter? Exercise.
A study reveals Louisiana is the unhealthiest state in the U.S. Louisiana is so unhealthy gravy is considered a sports drink.
A study reveals Louisiana is the unhealthiest state in the U.S. Louisiana is the only state where soaking the corns on your feet in an inflatable pool is considered water aerobics.
Blogging on Blago
Ill. Dem. Gov. Rod Blagojevich was arrested for selling Barack Obama’s Senate seat to the highest bidder. Is it just me or does Blagojevich look like the shift manager at Circuit City who keeps hitting on the cocktail waitress at Chili’s?
Is it just me or does Blagojevich look like the shoe salesman who keeps reminding you should be able to wiggle your toes?
Just so you know, Barack Obama looks senatorial, Rod Blagojevich looks like the Ace Hardware salesman who sold me a light fixture.
Is it just me or does Blagojevich look like a guy who wears two-tone collar shirts and refers to his employees as people a lot? “People, people, listen up.”
You can tell this Blagojevich guy is oily by looking at him: he’s not dumb enough to be white trash but he never quite got that A.A. degree from Lombard Ill. Junior College.
You can tell this Blagojevich guy is sleazy, I bet you anything this guy loves to prop his feet up on his desk while on the phone saying; “I don’t want any crap” a lot.
The skinny
The Beautiful Jennifer Connelly is hitting the talk shows promoting her movie “The Day the Earth Stood Still” Now I don’t want to say Connelly is skinny, but Nicole Richey is begging her; “Please, woman, for the love of god, eat a burger.”
Now I don’t want to say Jennifer Connelly is skinny, but if it’s true the camera adds twenty pounds, she weighs twenty pounds.
Since you asked:
So, Lex, I ask myself, what do Jay and Conan (or Conski O’Boneski as I call him) have to do to get their shows to play earlier?
Jay doesn’t have to do much at all. It might alter his monologue a touch. I’m not sure if standards and practices has words that can be said at 11:30 but can’t be said at 10:00.
The earlier the time slot the lower the audience’s attention span, which could be good for Jay’s format. Less idiotic rambling bad stories from vapid self-possessed movie stars whoring their projects; more skits and remote pieces. Those bits are in Jay’s wheelhouse. Plus I think more stand up comedians would fit at 10:00 which I think Leno has to do more of anyway.
If you saw Conan host the Emmys or any of his Chicago, San Francisco shows, you know he already knows what to do. He is going to go bigger and more professional and a little less familial and silly. But I hope he keeps the masturbating bear. Hell, the blueprint on how to go from 12:30 to 11:30 was perfected by Dave and Conan is more than smart enough to follow it.
Here is my idea for a great remote skit and a good example of why nobody will ever give me my own talk show:
“Whose is bigger?”
You take Jay or Conan out on a crowded street with a camera crew and a gorgeous registered nurse and a booth, you stop two guys – preferably with a wife or girlfriend, or boyfriend in tow - and ask them a series of questions, how much do you weigh? Hobbies? What kind of job do you have? If they have a partner you ask if she/he is happy in bed? How many people have they slept with?
And then the audience votes on “Whose is bigger?” Then gorgeous nurse takes them inside a booth - with a tape measure and a magnifying glass for comedic effect - and emerges with the answer and then they flash the result.
What? Everyone does it anyway, why not make a funny skit out of it?
And get a big screen and enter a chat room and mess with the idiots in there. It is hilarious and I have no idea why a talk show hasn't tried it.
posted by Alex at
10:47 AM
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