Tuesday, September 30, 2008

We got us some righteous bodaciousiosity, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Little for the little man
During the economic bail out, politicians keep yammering about the little guy. Let me tell you something, there is only one group who cares less for the little guy than politicians: the NBA.

Choke bloke
Sergio Garcia blew a five stroke lead to lose the PGA Tour Championship; Garcia choked so much on a big lead today he was named an honorary New York Met.

Do the math
John McCain is getting up there and insiders say he may need that bladder control drug, Flomax. One aide said McCain goes to the bathroom ten times a day. The bad news? He pees eleven times a day.

PETA has petitioned Ben and Jerry’s ice cream to use human breast mild instead of cow’s milk; as a result, Ben and Jerry has a new flavor: “Eat Me, PETA.”

PETA once stood for People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, now it stands for Proposing Extremely Troubling Actions.

They’re fine
Clay Aiken announced he is gay. When asked if this will hurt Clay Aiken’s female fan base, they both said; “Nah, we’ll be OK.”

Scurvy dog
A Russian cargo ship carrying tanks has been hijacked by pirates who demand $20 mil; these pirates are serious, they put the arr in cargo.

How did they miss this?
“Iron Man” is out on DVD. It has special features but it doesn’t explain how Iron Man missed the greatest product placement connection ever. How can Iron Man not plug Viagra?

Not good
The Oakland Raiders blew a 15-0 halftime lead to lose to the San Diego Chargers 28-18. In fact, the Raiders blew it so badly they have to change their name to the Oakland Lehman Brothers.

One of the greats
Paul Newman passed away. In addition to being a great actor and philanthropist, Newman was faithful to his wife, Joanne. When asked why, Newman said; “Why should I go out for hamburgers when I have steak at home?” This also explains Bill Clinton’s love of McDonalds.