We got the FUD* up in this crud, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

So mean
Mathematicians at UCLA have come up with the largest prime number; they came upon it accidentally when they were playing a game of “Guess Kirsty Alley’s Weight.”

That bad
Monday the market fell over 777 points. The collapse was so fast it is being called New York Mets-like.

Nobody anticipated the incredible impact to our financial system that was Clay Aiken announcing he’s gay.

Who cares?
There was an incredible outpouring of nostalgia for the last game at Yankee Stadium, but nobody cared about the last game at Shea Stadium. Shea Stadium was a dump. Guys voted it the place they’d least like to be besides the bathroom stall next to Idaho Senator Larry Craig.

Nothing new
The big talking point is that Main Street is mad at Wall Street. And Trump Street still hates Rosie Street.

Class act
Oakland Raiders slimy owner Al Davis fired his coach, Lane Kiffin and then slandered the coach to avoid paying his contract. Afterwards Davis slathered himself with rancid rat fat and then slithered into the sewer to romance a blind alligator.

Or something like that
There is a restaurant in Europe that specializes in dishes made with human breast milk; I think it’s called “For Tat.”

The "He Who Smelt it, Dealt it" proviso
Police in West Virginia dropped charges of battery against a man who passed gas and fanned it at the arresting officer; apparently the little-known Dutch Oven statute did not apply.

They did, however, initiate a murder investigation into what crawled up inside of him and died.



Since you asked:
*Via “Urban Dictionary” Fear, uncertainty and doubt. A tactic those snotty button-downed weasels at IBM used on my prospects when I used to sell CPT stand alone word processors. “Nobody ever got fired for buying IBM” is selling FUD.

To give you an idea what I am talking about with IBM zombies, not long after I graduated from UCSB, when it looked like my computer company was pulling the plug on our CPT branch in Santa Barbara, I scheduled a meeting with a fraternity brother – I won’t say his name but it was Pete Bellnut, or something like that – who worked at IBM, to see if he could put in a good word for me. This penis-in-a-crisp-white shirt used the entire time to grill me about CPT products as he was competing against one for a sale in his sales area. Never did give me a reference.

What a freakin’ tool. This guy looked 50 back in college, he must look like a prehistoric tortoise by now.

But hey, I’m not bitter. So I don’t have “Fired by IBM” on my resume. Big deal. I’ve been fired by far better companies than that.

Actually, that’s not true.

Oh, and as far as the first game of the playoffs, it is important for us Chicago Cubs fans to remember it is not time to panic. (Three, two, one) OK, now it’s time to panic. What the . . .? Grand slam my ass . . . wait, that didn’t sound right at all.

Frickin' Doghairs. Peter Belnut is probably a huge fan.