We got the diggity to the doggity on the sniggity snaggity, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers
Nice try
A teacher in Portland TN was arrested for having sex with her 17-year-old student; in her defense, she claims she was just trying to teach the boy about the Bush Doctrine.
What’s in a title?
Monday, the World’s Oldest Man turned 113; Do you know what’s the title of the World’s Second Oldest Man? Senator from Arizona.
Ohhhh
Paul McCartney had his first concert in Israel; there was one angry crowd reaction until McCartney clarified what he sang was; “Hey Jude.”
That explains it
“Slate” magazine reports the two industries that are still growing in these tough economic times are lawyers and prostitutes. One is an immoral disease-spreading bottom-dweller who screws people for money and the other is a prostitute.
Go ahead and try
There is a restaurant in Europe that specializes in dishes made with human breast milk; you go ahead and try to finish a whole bowl of the Dolly Parton clam chowder. You can’t do it.
Deadly title
Monday the world’s oldest man turned 113; the title of the world’s oldest man is the third deadliest title behind second in command of the Taliban and head coach of the Oakland Raiders
Here I steal my own Apocalypse joke
The Chicago Cubs and the Chicago White Sox are in the playoffs. The Dodgers and the Angels would be called the freeway series, and the Yankees and the Mets were the Subway series, do you know what they would call the Cubs-White Sox series? Armageddon.
That’s not nice
The Chicago Cubs are in the playoffs but they haven’t been in a World Series since 1945 when they were cursed by a Tavern owner because they wouldn’t let him bring his goat to a game. Who wants to bring an old goat to a baseball game anyway? Well, besides Cindy McCain?
Working hard
Sarah Palin was getting ready for her big debate on Thursday. To prepare, Sarah watched hour after hour of Tina Fey tapes.
She still has that going
Kim Kardashian, was voted off of “Dancing with the Stars” But Kardashian is still in contention in the more aptly titled “Dancing with the Fat-assed Rich Brats with No Talent."
Whew
Man, did I have a bad dream last night. Instead of watching the baseball playoffs, my wife took me to see the ultimate chick flick: “Bridges of the Traveling Beaches of Rodanthe.”
Yuck
Lance Armstrong announced he is returning to cycling but a French newspaper says they want to re-test Armstrong’s urine samples from 1999. They saved Armstrong’s urine from 1999.You know the French, they’ll drink anything that’s been aged at least nine years.
Big difference
“Slate” magazine reports the two professions that are still growing in these tough economic times are lawyers and prostitutes. You know the difference between a prostitute and a lawyer? When a prostitute screws you, at least you get laid.
Scurvy dogs
The Somali hijackers who took over the Russian ship told negotiators they aren’t pirates, they’re like the coast guard. But they weren’t convincing. When told they weren’t really the Coast Guard, they replied “Yes we arrrrrrrrrrrrre.”
Now is a good time
The Chicago Cubs lost their second game to the Los Angeles Dodgers, 10-3. For Cubs fans it’s important to remember it’s not time to panic. (three, two, one) OK, now it’s time to panic. Oh my god, one more loss and we are out, noooooo!
Since you asked:
Even though I was ahead of the curve and sold ‘puters in the early Eighties, I am by no means a techie. Don’t get me wrong, I loves me some my computer. Specifically Word, don’t know how anyone wrote without it. Lord knows I loves me some Google, use it twenty times a day. Lord knows I loves me some e-mail, even though managing that has become a job in itself. (It seems like over a gabillion years ago that I was excited when my then AOL guy cheerfully told me “You’ve got mail”)
Lord knows, I loves me some Blogger. Lord knows I loves me some YouTube and Amazon. Lord knows I loves me some speed checkers online while rockin’ an adult beverage while blasting my songs on iTunes while waiting for the oven or grill to preheat. Lord knows I loves me some Fantasy Football. And I loves, loves, loves me some DVR and High Definition and my sound system hooked up to my iPod. Arr, arrr, arrr.
But I got scant love for my cell phone. Scant love.
Got over text messaging in about a month. Once I had sent messages to all of my buds encouraging them to quench their thirst for carnal knowledge with barnyard animals, it was over.
Now my cell phone – granted it is bare bones, no camera, no video, no Internet – is just a tool to annoy me.
“Sure, I’d love to pick up and drop off Cooper, and Caden and Tyler and Dylan and Jared”
And I’ll admit it is a nice security blanket to know I am covered if something happens – god forbid - with the car. But I do not like talking on that thing. The delay invokes terminal same-time-talking.
“Wha . . . oh, no, sorr . . . no, you go . . . no, I’ll . . .”
This is the conversational equivalent of somebody pulling on the door handle jamming you up as you try to hit the unlock button.
And I am telling you, how Verizon charges minutes is borderline criminal. If you even think about making a call, they whack you.
Rat bastards.
Nice try
A teacher in Portland TN was arrested for having sex with her 17-year-old student; in her defense, she claims she was just trying to teach the boy about the Bush Doctrine.
What’s in a title?
Monday, the World’s Oldest Man turned 113; Do you know what’s the title of the World’s Second Oldest Man? Senator from Arizona.
Ohhhh
Paul McCartney had his first concert in Israel; there was one angry crowd reaction until McCartney clarified what he sang was; “Hey Jude.”
That explains it
“Slate” magazine reports the two industries that are still growing in these tough economic times are lawyers and prostitutes. One is an immoral disease-spreading bottom-dweller who screws people for money and the other is a prostitute.
Go ahead and try
There is a restaurant in Europe that specializes in dishes made with human breast milk; you go ahead and try to finish a whole bowl of the Dolly Parton clam chowder. You can’t do it.
Deadly title
Monday the world’s oldest man turned 113; the title of the world’s oldest man is the third deadliest title behind second in command of the Taliban and head coach of the Oakland Raiders
Here I steal my own Apocalypse joke
The Chicago Cubs and the Chicago White Sox are in the playoffs. The Dodgers and the Angels would be called the freeway series, and the Yankees and the Mets were the Subway series, do you know what they would call the Cubs-White Sox series? Armageddon.
That’s not nice
The Chicago Cubs are in the playoffs but they haven’t been in a World Series since 1945 when they were cursed by a Tavern owner because they wouldn’t let him bring his goat to a game. Who wants to bring an old goat to a baseball game anyway? Well, besides Cindy McCain?
Working hard
Sarah Palin was getting ready for her big debate on Thursday. To prepare, Sarah watched hour after hour of Tina Fey tapes.
She still has that going
Kim Kardashian, was voted off of “Dancing with the Stars” But Kardashian is still in contention in the more aptly titled “Dancing with the Fat-assed Rich Brats with No Talent."
Whew
Man, did I have a bad dream last night. Instead of watching the baseball playoffs, my wife took me to see the ultimate chick flick: “Bridges of the Traveling Beaches of Rodanthe.”
Yuck
Lance Armstrong announced he is returning to cycling but a French newspaper says they want to re-test Armstrong’s urine samples from 1999. They saved Armstrong’s urine from 1999.You know the French, they’ll drink anything that’s been aged at least nine years.
Big difference
“Slate” magazine reports the two professions that are still growing in these tough economic times are lawyers and prostitutes. You know the difference between a prostitute and a lawyer? When a prostitute screws you, at least you get laid.
Scurvy dogs
The Somali hijackers who took over the Russian ship told negotiators they aren’t pirates, they’re like the coast guard. But they weren’t convincing. When told they weren’t really the Coast Guard, they replied “Yes we arrrrrrrrrrrrre.”
Now is a good time
The Chicago Cubs lost their second game to the Los Angeles Dodgers, 10-3. For Cubs fans it’s important to remember it’s not time to panic. (three, two, one) OK, now it’s time to panic. Oh my god, one more loss and we are out, noooooo!
Since you asked:
Even though I was ahead of the curve and sold ‘puters in the early Eighties, I am by no means a techie. Don’t get me wrong, I loves me some my computer. Specifically Word, don’t know how anyone wrote without it. Lord knows I loves me some Google, use it twenty times a day. Lord knows I loves me some e-mail, even though managing that has become a job in itself. (It seems like over a gabillion years ago that I was excited when my then AOL guy cheerfully told me “You’ve got mail”)
Lord knows, I loves me some Blogger. Lord knows I loves me some YouTube and Amazon. Lord knows I loves me some speed checkers online while rockin’ an adult beverage while blasting my songs on iTunes while waiting for the oven or grill to preheat. Lord knows I loves me some Fantasy Football. And I loves, loves, loves me some DVR and High Definition and my sound system hooked up to my iPod. Arr, arrr, arrr.
But I got scant love for my cell phone. Scant love.
Got over text messaging in about a month. Once I had sent messages to all of my buds encouraging them to quench their thirst for carnal knowledge with barnyard animals, it was over.
Now my cell phone – granted it is bare bones, no camera, no video, no Internet – is just a tool to annoy me.
“Sure, I’d love to pick up and drop off Cooper, and Caden and Tyler and Dylan and Jared”
And I’ll admit it is a nice security blanket to know I am covered if something happens – god forbid - with the car. But I do not like talking on that thing. The delay invokes terminal same-time-talking.
“Wha . . . oh, no, sorr . . . no, you go . . . no, I’ll . . .”
This is the conversational equivalent of somebody pulling on the door handle jamming you up as you try to hit the unlock button.
And I am telling you, how Verizon charges minutes is borderline criminal. If you even think about making a call, they whack you.
Rat bastards.
posted by Alex at
12:01 PM
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