We gonna do dat funky- unky spunky monkey, up in here, up in here, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers


Wait until he is really motiviated
In the Beijing Olympics, Jamaica’s Usain Bolt set a world record in the 200 meters after setting one in the 100 meters. You think he’s fast now? Wait until he has airport security chasing him when they find out his first name is Usain.

Who knew?
Now that the US is disqualified, Jamaica is the overall favorite to win the 4 x 100 relay gold medal. It is interesting because Jamaica is a word the Arawakan-speaking Taíno inhabitants named the island which, Jamaica translated into English is: Kicking The US’s Ass.”

You punks get off my lawn
Barack Obama slammed John McCain for being out of touch; to which McCain angrily replied, “Oh, fiddlesticks, all you whippersnappers know about is jitterbugging to your Hi Fi.”

Uh, no Sir, that’s not, oh forget it
American Bryan Clay won the gold medal in the Decathlon; it was a little awkward when they asked President Bush what he thought about the Decathlon, he said; “Well, I think you should only get a Decathlon if you absolutely have to have your Cathlon removed.”

Is this a great event or what?
At the Beijing Olympics, Misty May-Traenor and Kerry Walsh defeated China to win the gold medal in women’s beach volleyball in the pouring rain. How many chances to you get to see a great beach volleyball gold medal win and a wet t-shirt contest at the same time?


And recessed lighting and window treatments
In Chicago they are conducting a study of gay brothers to determine if homosexuality is caused by DNA. Prior to this it was believed homosexuality was caused by spray tanning, teeth whitening, hair frosting, body waxing and wearing way too many fashion accessories.

UCSB Rules! Well, It rules Colgate, Colorado College, Tulane and many, many others, anywho.

We're number 44, we're number 44! What with the names ahead of us on this list, I can't argue. It does kill me that USC and NYU are ahead of UCSB. That is flat wrong. And there will be no living with comedy writing/political and sports genius, Janice Hough, when she sees her school is #4.

1. Harvard University (Cambridge, Mass.) 2. Princeton University (Princeton, N.J.) 3. Yale University (New Haven, Conn.) 4. Massachusetts Institute of Technology (Cambridge, Mass.) 4. Stanford University (Stanford, Calif.) 6. California Institute of Technology (Pasadena, Calif.) 6. University of Pennsylvania (Philadelphia, Penn.) 8. Columbia University (New York, N.Y.) 8. Duke University (Durham, N.C.) 8. University of Chicago (Chicago, Ill.) 11. Dartmouth College (Hanover, N.H.) 12. Northwestern University (Evanston, Ill.) 12. Washington University (St. Louis, Mo.) 14. Cornell University (Ithaca, N.Y.) 15. Johns Hopkins University (Baltimore, Md.) 16. Brown University (Providence, R.I.) 17. Rice University (Houston, Texas) 18. Emory University (Atlanta, Ga.) 18. University of Notre Dame (Notre Dame, Ind.) 18. Vanderbilt University (Nashville, Tenn.) 21. University of California-Berkeley (Berkeley, Calif.) 22. Carnegie Mellon University (Pittsburgh, Penn.) 23. Georgetown University (Washington, D.C.) 23. University of Virginia (Charlottesville, Va.) 25. University of California-Los Angeles (Los Angeles, Calif.) 26. University of Michigan-Ann Arbor (Ann Arbor, Mich.) 27. University of Southern California (Los Angeles, Calif.) 28. Tufts University (Medford, Mass.) 28. Wake Forest University (Winston-Salem, N.C.) 30. University of North Carolina-Chapel Hill (Chapel Hill, N.C.) 31. Brandeis University (Waltham, Mass.) 32. College of William and Mary (Williamsburg, Va.) 33. New York University (New York, N.Y.) 34. Boston College (Chestnut Hill, Mass.) 35. Georgia Institute of Technology (Atlanta, Ga.) 35. Lehigh University (Bethlehem, Penn.) 35. University of California-San Diego (La Jolla, Calif.) 35. University of Rochester (Rochester, N.Y.) 35. University of Wisconsin-Madison (Madison, Wis.) 40. University of Illinois-Urbana-Champaign (Champaign, Ill.) 41. Case Western Reserve University (Cleveland, Ohio) 41. Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute (Troy, N.Y.) 41. University of Washington (Seattle, Wash.) 44. University of California-Davis (Davis, Calif.) 44. University of California-Irvine (Irvine, Calif.) 44. University of California-Santa Barbara (Santa Barbara, Calif.)

Had a former short-term high school squeeze who was -probably still is - an insufferable Colgate alum. (She was insufferable about most things, but this was a biggie)

Our Senior year in HS, to get back at me after I broke up with her for a younger woman, a Junior, she tortured me endlessly on how wonderful her SAT's and GPA were and how I was doomed to be an utter failure. (OK, so I might be a failure, but I'm not an utter one) Geeze, I'm looking, but I don't see Colgate on this list. Not anywhere in the top 50. Neither wise Tulane nor Colorado College for that matter. De Pauw? Not so much. Now aint that a pity?

Neeeee haaaaw. Go Gaucho Gold!
(Oh yeah, throwin' down wit da Snoopy dance, transitioning into the butter churn, start that chainsaw, drive the bus, let 'em in, puttin' my hands in the air like I just don't care, Disco Travolta, Disco Travolta and Madonna, Madonna, spin, starburst, Tiffany-side-kick-quick-feet and finish with the kick turn and flourish)

Ouch, my back.