God speed, Blazin’ Bessie, she was a good ol’ grillin’ gal, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

At the Beijing Olympics, there was an ironic twist in women’s beach volley ball: the US waxed Brazil. Misty May-Traenor and Kerry Walsh destroyed a great Brazil team, 21-12, 21-14 in a game that many thought Brazil would give the US a close shave.

In women’s gymnastics, the US’s Nastia Luikin won the silver in the uneven parallel bars to China’s He Kexin despite a tie score that was broken by a complicated tie-breaking system. In a tie score they throw out the high and the low and then average the next three lows using the degree of difficulty and then they say; “Oh screw it, just give it to the host country’s kid who looks like the ten-year-old unholy spawn of Bjork and Bambi.”

NBC’s gymnastic analyst Bela Karolyi was visibly upset about Nastia Luikin’s silver medal. I’m not sure exactly what Karolyi said but I think it was something like; “I don’t like daylight, garlic, wolf-bain, crosses or holy water, I can’t see my reflection in a mirror and sleep in a coffin.”

The US’s Nastia Luikin did finish higher than her three cousins in the competition, Slutsia, Trampsia and Skanksia Luikin.


At the Beijing Olympics, the US’s Misty May-Traenor and Kerri Walsh will face the host country, China, in the gold medal game. As if women’s volleyball wasn’t great enough with the incredible play, the contestants are hot, fit women in tiny bikinis jumping around and slapping each other’s butts. And if all that wasn’t enough, they blast rock music while hot cheerleaders, also in bikinis, dance. That, along with a nice glass of eye-tailian red, as the great Max Von Stock used to say, does not suck.

There is a new health phenomenon along with Olympic fever: Olympic sleep deprivation. People are falling asleep at their jobs due to staying up to watch the late NBC coverage. Symptoms include, listlessness, lack of focus and dozing off. Or something like that, I’m so tired I can’t remember what they, ehh, umm, err, snarrrrrrghh, snaarrrrgh, snort, cough, huh?”

Since you asked:

Let us take a moment to remember Blazin’ Bessie, the stainless steel three-burner Turbo gas grill that has been a trooper for at least six years. We are in phase one - the demolition - of the backyard remodel and Blazin’ Bessie got a one day stay of execution last night and she went out in style. Marinated filet mignon in Jim Beam marinade, rubbed with the usual garlic powder, Old Bay seasoning, smoked paprika and fresh ground pepper.

Got Blazin’ Bessie real hot for the last time – that doesn’t sound right – and seared those puppies but good for two minutes a side, flipped for another three-and-a-half a side on slightly lower heat and they were a perfect juicy medium rare. Olive oil drizzle and sea salt, while it rested in a tinfoil tent, of course.

Poured some of the leftover marinade into a pan with red wine and a dash of Worcestershire sauce, reduced until it could coat a spoon, baked a Yukon gold and made a little iceberg/shredded carrot salad with creamy dressing and fresh parmesan on a side salad plate. Bam’d the big plate with fresh chopped parsley, poured a nice Italian table wine and Bob is your Uncle.

Will have to use Roarin’ Ruby, the red Weber grill, for a while until the new one arrives in a week or so. It is the Grand Turbo from Barbeques Galore, an all-stainless steel 38-inch monster with an infrared rotisserie and a searing burner that gets up to 1500 degrees in nothing flat. 100,000 BTU’s – although I have no idea what that means – and 874 square-inch cooking surface. Har, har, har, har, ho, ho, ho, ho. The best part? No more propane tanks, it is getting hooked up to the gas line.

Although I am not married to a new grill name yet, Grillin’ Gertie-Lou is in the lead. Oh, and my call sign while flying the grill has been changed to Cochise. Just so’s ya’ knows, Slats and Nugs. Just so's ya' knows.

P.S. Skanksia Luikin? Really?