We got no love for haters, Torn Slattern and Nugget Ranchers

Uh, no Sir, that’s not, oh forget it
When President Bush was informed Russia attacked Georgia, there was an awkward moment when Bush yelled; “We must save Atlanta.”

Mon Dieu
In the men’s 4 x 100 Freestyle, the French relay team brashly predicted a victory but were defeated by the US at the last split second. What a nightmare for the poor French, they get humiliated by the US and they had to bathe at the same time.

May cause Manny-mind
The Los Angeles Dodger will now begin selling enigmatic space-case Manny Ramirez dreadlock-attached hats at games. Please remove the hats before operating heavy machinery.

The hats come with a disclaimer: Warning, these hats may cause erratic and downright goofy behavior.

Motto
It’s official, in smoggy Beijing, the Olympic motto has been changed from Faster, Higher, Stronger, to “You can’t trust air you can’t see.”

Chick flick schtick
“Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants II” is coming out. This movie is perfect for those people who couldn’t take all the testosterone-ridden violence of “Mamma Mia.”

Don’t ask, don’t tell
To prepare for Olympic tourists, Beijing officials have posted signs instructing Chinese locals on a list of eight things not to ask tourists: among them they aren’t to ask tourists about their age, income, religion, and if they’d like to take something for that nasty raspy cough.

Beijing Olympic official said the air pollution was under control. Actually, what they said was that the (cough) air pol (hack) lution was (wheeze) under (gack) control.

The Beijing Olympic Games are underway. You know what sport I don’t get? Race walking. Race walking is the track and field equivalent of Dungeons and Dragons.

Why not?
Airlines are charging for water, pillows, blankets. And if you get sick and have to use a barf bag, they charge you a one time $20 used food storage fee.