Don’t be hatin’ on a playa, put yo hands in the aye-year (air) like a you just don’ cay-year (care) Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers
Name game
Now I don’t want to say NBC is desperate to keep those Olympic ratings, but they just changed the name of their sitcom “My Name Is Earl” to “My Name is Michael Phelps.”
Not the same
Now we go from the Beijing Olympics to the Democratic Convention. Oh goody. That’s like going from a naked super model hot tub party to a root canal appointment.
The Beijing Olympics are over and now it is the Democratic Convention. The Olympic Motto is Swifter, Higher, Stronger. The Democratic Convention motto is Grovel, Pander, Yammer.
Oh, let’s hope not
Scientists are close to developing a cloak that makes the wearer invisible. Let’s all hope and pray this invisibility cloak does not fall into the wrong hands. Namely, Idaho Senator Larry Craig.
Its official name
There is an actual medical term for the withdrawal symptoms from missing watching the Olympics on NBC. It’s called Bob Costas-atosis.
Bird brains
The only thing about the Olympics I won’t miss are those two annoying chickens in the Foster Farms commercials. How could chickens be so stupid that they beg to be slaughtered, plucked, cooked and eaten, and yet they’re smart enough to talk?
Since you asked:
Seriously, Joe Frickin’ Biden? The guy personifies political sleaze and phoniness. First of all, the guy is the Senator from Delaware. No offense, but Delaware is more of a small region than a state, like the panhandle of Florida or The upper peninsula of Michigan. How many people live in Delaware? Ten? OK, more than that, but I know it’s not a million. Being the Senator from Delaware is like being the head of the Catholic Church in Utah.
Secondly, the guy got caught plagiarizing at least ten times. And he just didn’t steal a line or two, he swiped an entire English guy’s speech. And I thought I read that the guy got caught plagiarizing in law school and got an F as a result. In other words, a bunch of lawyers thought he was lying. That’s like being kicked off of an NBC sitcom for bad acting.
But my biggest problem with Biden? The bad hair plugs. Honestly, there is no shame at all in being bald. Some of the coolest guys in the world are bald. Jason Taylor football stud and “Dancing With the Stars” babe magnet is bald. Women pass out over that guy.
No, the problem starts when a guy goes bald and then tries to cover it up. Something turns rotten in their soul and they fester into lying, slimy dirt bags. Without question the three biggest scuz-bags I have ever known all had bad comb-overs. Two were my boss at one point, one in New York, one in San Diego. Truly heinous schmucks with cruel, twisted and sad souls.
(Although, I have to admit, my first boss in downtown San Diego had a bit of a bad comb-over and he was one of the nicest and most genuinely loyal and great guys I’ve ever known. But his replacement with the really bad comb-over and striped “slimming” shirts had cloven hooves)
Need proof that people with comb-overs are evil? Two words, Donald Trump. No lie, I knew a guy in college at UC Santa Barbara who was a nice enough guy. Now he is a big shot real estate dude in San Diego and without question one of the most pompous, arrogant and humorless jerks in Carmel Valley – and that is really saying something - and he has a fricken shiny weasel of a toupee on top of his head. I’m not kidding, it’s a pelt.
This Biden guy is a douche bag. Barack Obama has been kicking ass this campaign – to beat Hillary Clinton, who is an amazing campaigner, is impressive - but this Biden thing was a bad move.
Nature provides its beasts with warning signs for those who will heed them. The rattle on the rattlesnake, the hoof pawing the earth prior to a charge from a bull, the forward ears, mouth and high tail of a growling dog.
For people the warning signs are much more vague, but they are there. Driving a Hummer. A religious fish on the back of the car. Too much cologne. Anyone who addresses a group as “People.” The loud shuffling of feet. People who interrupt you to say to their ringing cell phone “I’ve got to take this” The littering of sentences with FYI, lifestyle, it is what it is and “can I be honest with you?” (Sure, you can be honest with me, but that means you admit you’ve been lying until now)
But the surest warning sign that a person is trouble is a bad comb-over or hair-plugs, like Joe Frickin’ Biden.
Name game
Now I don’t want to say NBC is desperate to keep those Olympic ratings, but they just changed the name of their sitcom “My Name Is Earl” to “My Name is Michael Phelps.”
Not the same
Now we go from the Beijing Olympics to the Democratic Convention. Oh goody. That’s like going from a naked super model hot tub party to a root canal appointment.
The Beijing Olympics are over and now it is the Democratic Convention. The Olympic Motto is Swifter, Higher, Stronger. The Democratic Convention motto is Grovel, Pander, Yammer.
Oh, let’s hope not
Scientists are close to developing a cloak that makes the wearer invisible. Let’s all hope and pray this invisibility cloak does not fall into the wrong hands. Namely, Idaho Senator Larry Craig.
Its official name
There is an actual medical term for the withdrawal symptoms from missing watching the Olympics on NBC. It’s called Bob Costas-atosis.
Bird brains
The only thing about the Olympics I won’t miss are those two annoying chickens in the Foster Farms commercials. How could chickens be so stupid that they beg to be slaughtered, plucked, cooked and eaten, and yet they’re smart enough to talk?
Since you asked:
Seriously, Joe Frickin’ Biden? The guy personifies political sleaze and phoniness. First of all, the guy is the Senator from Delaware. No offense, but Delaware is more of a small region than a state, like the panhandle of Florida or The upper peninsula of Michigan. How many people live in Delaware? Ten? OK, more than that, but I know it’s not a million. Being the Senator from Delaware is like being the head of the Catholic Church in Utah.
Secondly, the guy got caught plagiarizing at least ten times. And he just didn’t steal a line or two, he swiped an entire English guy’s speech. And I thought I read that the guy got caught plagiarizing in law school and got an F as a result. In other words, a bunch of lawyers thought he was lying. That’s like being kicked off of an NBC sitcom for bad acting.
But my biggest problem with Biden? The bad hair plugs. Honestly, there is no shame at all in being bald. Some of the coolest guys in the world are bald. Jason Taylor football stud and “Dancing With the Stars” babe magnet is bald. Women pass out over that guy.
No, the problem starts when a guy goes bald and then tries to cover it up. Something turns rotten in their soul and they fester into lying, slimy dirt bags. Without question the three biggest scuz-bags I have ever known all had bad comb-overs. Two were my boss at one point, one in New York, one in San Diego. Truly heinous schmucks with cruel, twisted and sad souls.
(Although, I have to admit, my first boss in downtown San Diego had a bit of a bad comb-over and he was one of the nicest and most genuinely loyal and great guys I’ve ever known. But his replacement with the really bad comb-over and striped “slimming” shirts had cloven hooves)
Need proof that people with comb-overs are evil? Two words, Donald Trump. No lie, I knew a guy in college at UC Santa Barbara who was a nice enough guy. Now he is a big shot real estate dude in San Diego and without question one of the most pompous, arrogant and humorless jerks in Carmel Valley – and that is really saying something - and he has a fricken shiny weasel of a toupee on top of his head. I’m not kidding, it’s a pelt.
This Biden guy is a douche bag. Barack Obama has been kicking ass this campaign – to beat Hillary Clinton, who is an amazing campaigner, is impressive - but this Biden thing was a bad move.
Nature provides its beasts with warning signs for those who will heed them. The rattle on the rattlesnake, the hoof pawing the earth prior to a charge from a bull, the forward ears, mouth and high tail of a growling dog.
For people the warning signs are much more vague, but they are there. Driving a Hummer. A religious fish on the back of the car. Too much cologne. Anyone who addresses a group as “People.” The loud shuffling of feet. People who interrupt you to say to their ringing cell phone “I’ve got to take this” The littering of sentences with FYI, lifestyle, it is what it is and “can I be honest with you?” (Sure, you can be honest with me, but that means you admit you’ve been lying until now)
But the surest warning sign that a person is trouble is a bad comb-over or hair-plugs, like Joe Frickin’ Biden.
posted by Alex at
2:00 PM
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