Wednesday, June 04, 2008

We got no call to chuck a spaz up in this here blizzy, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Sang it
Blues legend Bo Diddley passed away at 79. The funeral service will be held Early in the mornin’/ When my baby left and gone away/ I said it will be held early in the mornin’/ When my baby left and gone away/ Don’t send no flowers/ You up give that money away.

Good for her
Have you seen Chelsea Clinton campaigning with her mom? My word, Chelsea has grown into a very attractive and well-adjusted young woman. Here’s my question: how is that possible?

Uh, no Sir, that’s not, oh forget it
There was a fire on the Universal Studios that destroyed the “Back to the Future” lot; it was awkward, when they informed President Bush he asked; “Why didn’t they go back in time and put the fire out when it started?”

Not good
“Sex and the City” beat “Indiana Jones” at the box office. That’s how you know Indy is getting up there, when he gets his butt kicked by a bunch of horny Cosmo swilling urban cougars.

Didjya see it?
The Discovery took off to fix the clogged toilet in the space station. They had to make special adjustments. Did you see it? It was a Space Shuttle lift-off rocket with a huge rubber plunger on top.

The Discovery took off to fix the clogged toilet in the space station. “So tell me grandpa, when you were an astronaut on the space shuttle, what was your mission?” “Unhumm a hummuhm.” “What was that, grandpa?” “We unclogged a toilet, OK. You happy you little wise ass?”

Not a dream merger
Merger talks between United and US Airways have broken down; and the merger of UPS airlines and Jet Blue isn’t going to work either because that would be UP Blue.

Dream merger
The NBA has announced they will give fines for flopping No more flopping. Why do I sense a “No Flopping” Viagra-NBA tie-in deal?

Not the same
The “Sex and the City” movie opened huge this weekend; don’t confuse “Sex and the City” with the movie they’re going to make based on Barbara Walter’s autobiography, “Audition” that will be “Sex and the Bitty.”

Dear ol’ dad
TMZ reports Clay Aiken is going to be a dad; if it’s a girl, they are going to name the baby Jay, after the mother, his 50-year-old producer, Jaymes Foster, if it is a boy, they’re going to name it after the father, Random Donor.