Word from out on the street is that you better get out from standing in the middle of the street, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers
Oh goody
The movie “Sex and the City” opens in three days; I’m so excited my womb hurts.
Don’t mention it
Travel experts agree that the price of gas was so high this weekend millions of people didn’t drive anywhere. You know guys are going to run with this: “No, I am not just sitting in my underwear watching the game, I’ll have you know I am fighting the greedy oil companies, thank you.”
Not all are experts
Some Los Angeles Lakers celebrity fans are more knowledgeable than others. Jack Nicholson shouts advice on how to run the triangle offense. Jessica Simpson shouts for the players to block the free throws. “They’re just standing there letting him shoot, stop that sweaty tall person.”
Shocking
Another sex video of Paris Hilton has surfaced this time it shows Paris having sex in a bathtub; you think that’s wild? The bathtub is in a Home Depot show room display.
Not good
Mexico’s crime, drug problems and murder rates and official corruption scandals are astronomical; it’s so bad it’s almost like Bush is Mexico’s president too.
Rumor has it
I don’t want to say that “Sex and the City” is the ultimate chick flick, but there are reports of men emerging from screenings and suddenly getting their period.
First clue
Police in Arizona found a portable meth lab in a church; authorities became suspicious when the title of their last sermon was “Tweakin’ with the Deacon.”
A little help from his friend
“Indiana Jones” was the #1 movie this weekend. You can tell Indy is getting up there, let’s just say that now Indy needs a little Viagra to get his whip cracking.
Who knew?
There is a new Paris Hilton sex tape that features Paris Hilton taking a bath; that is shocking, Paris Hilton has taken a bath? When did that happen?
What were they thinking?
A German couple was arrested after they tried to sell their baby on E-Bay for one Euro, $1.56; that is ridiculous, why Brad and Angelina alone would pay ten times that
Oui kid
There is a new Paris Hilton sex tape that features Paris Hilton taking a bath; that’s wild, you usually don’t find the words Paris connected with bath.
Not since then
Danica Patrick had to be restrained from attacking, Ryan Briscoe, who knocked Patrick out of the Indianapolis 500 while coming out of the pit. That’s the maddest any woman has been after a crash since Britney Spears crashed into a parked car and spilled her Lucky Lager.
Danica Patrick had to be restrained from attacking, Ryan Briscoe, who knocked Patrick out of the Indianapolis 500 while coming out of the pit. That could have been a rough day for Briscoe, first crashing a woman out of the race and then getting beaten up by a 5ft, 98 pound hot brunette babe.
Since you asked, “Just kidding, dear” version:
And then there is the story of the poor schlub who spent $150 to be miserable on the golf course: his back went out on the first swing, he and his pal were paired with a quarreling and annoying couple who couldn’t hit a ball to save their lives, it was hot, sticky and he played the worst he has ever played. Not only that but he had to fight tooth and nail with his wife to go.
So when he gets home he is tired, thirsty and cranky as hell, so he plops in front of the TV and barks to his wife;
“Get me a beer before it starts.” (See, they lose me here. Virg would never get me a beer)
More than a little peeved, she does what he says. He downs the beer and barks;
“Get me another beer before it starts.”
This time she got the beer and was far more animated in showing her irritation and throws the can at him. He opens it and downs it and barks;
“Get me another beer before it starts.”
“That’s enough,” she yells, “you’ve just downed two, you drunken slob. And if you think I am going to let you play golf all day and then get drunk watching TV, you have another guess coming. You promised me you would clean out the garage and wash the cars. And another thing, you said tonight we were going out . . ‘
He sighs, shakes his head and says;
“It’s started.”
(Can I get a righteous hey now for my Broheims who had this grenade go off a little too close to the fox hole?)
P.S. San Diegans, speaking of fox holes, just so you know, my buddy Diego Voodschteps would rather be with a Green Bay Packer fan in a foxhole than us.
Just so you know.
Oh goody
The movie “Sex and the City” opens in three days; I’m so excited my womb hurts.
Don’t mention it
Travel experts agree that the price of gas was so high this weekend millions of people didn’t drive anywhere. You know guys are going to run with this: “No, I am not just sitting in my underwear watching the game, I’ll have you know I am fighting the greedy oil companies, thank you.”
Not all are experts
Some Los Angeles Lakers celebrity fans are more knowledgeable than others. Jack Nicholson shouts advice on how to run the triangle offense. Jessica Simpson shouts for the players to block the free throws. “They’re just standing there letting him shoot, stop that sweaty tall person.”
Shocking
Another sex video of Paris Hilton has surfaced this time it shows Paris having sex in a bathtub; you think that’s wild? The bathtub is in a Home Depot show room display.
Not good
Mexico’s crime, drug problems and murder rates and official corruption scandals are astronomical; it’s so bad it’s almost like Bush is Mexico’s president too.
Rumor has it
I don’t want to say that “Sex and the City” is the ultimate chick flick, but there are reports of men emerging from screenings and suddenly getting their period.
First clue
Police in Arizona found a portable meth lab in a church; authorities became suspicious when the title of their last sermon was “Tweakin’ with the Deacon.”
A little help from his friend
“Indiana Jones” was the #1 movie this weekend. You can tell Indy is getting up there, let’s just say that now Indy needs a little Viagra to get his whip cracking.
Who knew?
There is a new Paris Hilton sex tape that features Paris Hilton taking a bath; that is shocking, Paris Hilton has taken a bath? When did that happen?
What were they thinking?
A German couple was arrested after they tried to sell their baby on E-Bay for one Euro, $1.56; that is ridiculous, why Brad and Angelina alone would pay ten times that
Oui kid
There is a new Paris Hilton sex tape that features Paris Hilton taking a bath; that’s wild, you usually don’t find the words Paris connected with bath.
Not since then
Danica Patrick had to be restrained from attacking, Ryan Briscoe, who knocked Patrick out of the Indianapolis 500 while coming out of the pit. That’s the maddest any woman has been after a crash since Britney Spears crashed into a parked car and spilled her Lucky Lager.
Danica Patrick had to be restrained from attacking, Ryan Briscoe, who knocked Patrick out of the Indianapolis 500 while coming out of the pit. That could have been a rough day for Briscoe, first crashing a woman out of the race and then getting beaten up by a 5ft, 98 pound hot brunette babe.
Since you asked, “Just kidding, dear” version:
And then there is the story of the poor schlub who spent $150 to be miserable on the golf course: his back went out on the first swing, he and his pal were paired with a quarreling and annoying couple who couldn’t hit a ball to save their lives, it was hot, sticky and he played the worst he has ever played. Not only that but he had to fight tooth and nail with his wife to go.
So when he gets home he is tired, thirsty and cranky as hell, so he plops in front of the TV and barks to his wife;
“Get me a beer before it starts.” (See, they lose me here. Virg would never get me a beer)
More than a little peeved, she does what he says. He downs the beer and barks;
“Get me another beer before it starts.”
This time she got the beer and was far more animated in showing her irritation and throws the can at him. He opens it and downs it and barks;
“Get me another beer before it starts.”
“That’s enough,” she yells, “you’ve just downed two, you drunken slob. And if you think I am going to let you play golf all day and then get drunk watching TV, you have another guess coming. You promised me you would clean out the garage and wash the cars. And another thing, you said tonight we were going out . . ‘
He sighs, shakes his head and says;
“It’s started.”
(Can I get a righteous hey now for my Broheims who had this grenade go off a little too close to the fox hole?)
P.S. San Diegans, speaking of fox holes, just so you know, my buddy Diego Voodschteps would rather be with a Green Bay Packer fan in a foxhole than us.
Just so you know.
posted by Alex at
2:18 PM
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