This just in:

Jamaica’s Usain Bolt set the world record for the 100 meters at 9.72. Usain Bolt was even faster than his competitors Johnny Jam, Billy Split, Joey Book and David Skidaddle.

Since you asked:

The other day, I came back from a good SUP surf session – or sesh, as the cool kids call it – feeling pretty smug. Yep, there I was scarfing – as my fellow surf dudes call it – a nice pile of local taco stand Mexican food Carnitas and beans and tortillas, ice cold Maggie on the rocks in hand, when I suddenly couldn’t keep myself from talking just like Matthew McConaughey complete with the self-satisfied drawl and the S talking.

“Well ahhhhhriiiight, aahhhhright, ahhhriight. We are . . . livin’ . . . the . . . lifessssstyyyle, yesssssss, yesssss, yessssss.”

It was so obnoxious I even annoyed myself. But I stopped short of taking my shirt off. Nobody needs to see that.

In all seriousness, Slats and Nugglies, be very cautious around anyone who uses the term lifestyle seriously.