Top Ten Dumb Guy Tips on Conserving Gas

# 10: Wait to buy gas until some utter moron sends you a $300 Economic Stimulus Check.

# 9: Eat lots and lots of cabbage, that gives me plenty of gas.

# 8: Step one: Get on the bus. Step two: When the bus driver asks for your fare, say: “Poultry don’t pay, pal” and then start clucking like a chicken.

# 7: Only take right turns. (If you are a NASCAR driver, disregard this)

# 6: Get in a cab and tell the driver you are on a Jihad. It’s a little thing called professional courtesy.

# 5: Live at the top of a hill and work at the bottom of the hill. At night, reverse.

# 4: No # 4, writer ran out of gas on the way in.

# 3: A, Get a rubber hose, B, your neighbor’s car, C, Paris Hilton. (You know where I’m going with this, people)

# 2: Buy a car that runs on taffy. Taffy is tasty.

And the number one dumb guy tip on conserving gas:

# 1: Two words: Drive backwards.