We takin’ it low and slow down below, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers


Major League baseball is a week away. Gentlemen, start your injections.


It was hot on Easter, the guy in the bunny suit was sweating like Eliot Spitzer at the marriage counselor.


A recent NBA score was the Toronto Raptors 96, Miami Heat 54. At this point even the New York Knicks are making fun of the Miami Heat.


In the NCAA tournament West Virginia upset Duke; it was a little awkward, they asked how exciting this win was, a West Virginia player said it was like kissing his hot cousin.


Flamboyant-figure-skater Johnny Weir told the New York Times competitor Eric Lysacek’s style was "a little too fake" adding, "I just don't like him." Weir then hissed, licked his paw and spat up a fur ball.


Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick was charged with perjury and misconduct stemming from a sex scandal. With all of these political sex scandals, say what you want about Ralph Nader, at least we know nobody will have a sex scandal with him.


Even with all the political sex scandals, I am not too sure about Hillary Clinton’s new campaign slogan: Vote for Hillary. She Hates Sex. Just Ask Bill.

Since you asked:

The contest is over. I am officially the last grown up in the United States to have a cell phone.(If I know you – specifically Snakes Mark, Billy and John - and you e-mail me, I will give you the number if you want it) lexkase@san.rr.com

So I get to talking to the guy at Verizon, turns out he is a big fan of the radio station show I write for here in San Diego so he tells me he is going text me so I can text him back the next time I have a joke on the air.

This was very exciting because – this is where I lose my teenage girl demographic which pretty much consists of Julia, rock on Miss J-Vooders – I have never text messaged before. Why would I? So I get the standard sales text from the Verizon company and then a “Send me a text when your jokes are on KGB” from the Verizon guy.

So I am fumbling around with my brand new cell phone trying to figure out how to address a text message. So my buddy's, “Juan”, (Kevin) number pops up so, being a dumb- dude- idiot- guy- jamoke, I sent "Juan" a brief text disparaging his sexuality quite graphically and specifically in terms of his choice of orally molesting barnyard animals. Specifically male barnyard animals. More specifically, goats. The problem?

I sent it to the Verizon guy by mistake.

Oops. Heh, heh.

Wouldn’t be shocked to see a large surcharge on my bill from Verizon.