Friday, December 07, 2007

Welcome the “Addled With Fever” addition of A.l.B.b., Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Bagels for Ramadan?

A luxury Deli in New York, Balducci’s, advertised a special on Ham for Hanukkah. What’s next? Wonder Bread and Mayo for Kwanza?

It could happen
Barry Bonds has pleaded not guilty to charges of lying to federal investigators about his steroid use; do you realize what this means? If Bonds keeps lying about lying about steroids, his nose could grow so big it could actually fit his head.

Online names
The new Atlanta WNBA team announced online voting will help determine the team name. Unfortunately the leading online suggestions are the “Who Gives a Rat’s Ass?” The “There’s still a WNBA?” And the leading online suggestion for the new Atlanta WNBA team: “The Limo Exiting Britneys.”

Arkansas State’s leading scorer, Adrian Banks, was suspended by his coach, Dickey Nutt, for Banks arrest for firing off a gun in the wee hours of Sunday morning. Banks claims he found the gun in a nightclub after a fight broke out and he shot all the bullets into the air so nobody would get shot. Isn’t that amazing? Can you believe that? The coach’s name is Dickey Nutt. Wasn’t Johnson Ball available? Was Peter Gonad booked?

Since you asked:
My buddy, Mark O'Snake, pulled out a great reference when we were playing golfers a couple of weekends ago. He was tidying up carefully around the hole preparing for a putt when he said;

"There is actually a reason I am doing this, I'm not just adjusting the dish towels."

Can you name that awesome O.C.D. reference? You got it. "Sleeping with the Enemy."


(Polite applause)

Addled Since You Ask:
Since you asked:
It may be true that I am a little hinkie with the fever, but I am proud to say that I am a gamer. Just because others lose their perspective and judgment when illness compromises their thought process, and they would probably be better off not trying to make sense in any kind of public forum, even a pathetic blog, I think that is taking the chicken way out.

In addition, I also think that purple velvet monkeys make good Chanukah gifts. And while we are on the subject, could the Hannakuh police please get your act together and come up with a definitive way to spell Chahnakkuah? What are we all supposed to take a damn Learning Annex class on Hebrew so we can figure out how to spell it? Huh? Are we?

And why are these silver spiders crawling up and down my skin counterclockwise? Is the radiation from my brain making their migration pattern reversed? And for the love of god, why did Sarah Rogan give Andy Parker a Valentines Day card in Sixth grade, but not me? Just because his mom feels guilty about being divorced so she lets him grow his hair long, and my mother makes me keep my hair so short that when I sleep on my side, I come to school with these little side hair wings sticking out, does that mean Sarah can hurt my feelings? Huh? Does it?

Mommy. Mommy, where is Morgie? I want my stuffed doggie Morgan! You didn’t wash him again, did you? That’s how he lost his eye before, remember?

And that, Slats and Nuggies, is how we play “Lex really is addled with fever.”

(Polite applesauce)

It was a tough choice, because there were so many, but here is the line of the week from "30 Rock."

Jack Donaghy: “Liz, that woman you met in my office this morning wasn’t a colleague. We are lovers.”

Liz Lemon: “Ew, that word bums me out if it’s not between meat and pizza.”

Or maybe it was:

Jack Donaghy: "No, I like it when a woman has ambition. It's like seeing a dog wearing clothes."