Snap it, rap it and tap it, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers
Naturally
Rapper Pimp C was found dead in a posh LA Hotel room at the age of 33, but the coroners office said it appears Pimp C died of natural causes.
Of course, for a rapper named Pimp C, natural causes includes anything less than nine bullets.
What’s in a name?
The San Diego Chargers face the Tennessee Titans this Sunday.
Many teams nicknames are abbreviations of their name, like the Green Bay Packers are the Pack, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are the Bucs, And so, the Tennessee Titans would be the, well, maybe not.
That explains it
Today is the first day of Hanukah.
For Jews, Chanukah is an eight day festival of lights. Why eight days? Because that’s how long it takes to figure out the right way to spell Hanukkah.
We kid and love the TPATH
The NFL announced that the Super Bowl halftime performer will be Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers.
Now, I don’t want to imply that they are getting old, but now Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers are called Tom Petty and the Lipitor-takers.
Am I worried there could be a halftime wardrobe malfunction with the older Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers? Depends.
Sounds about right
Happy One-Year birthday to Knut, the adorable polar bear cub in Germany.
Knut celebrated his birthday in the usual new celebrity way, he went out clubbing and then dodged the paparazzi when they asked him questions about his relationship with Paris Hilton.
False advertising
The NFL Network is advertising their Thursday game between the Chicago Bears and the Washington Redskins as “The Run to the Playoffs.”
Both teams are 5-7. They have about as much chance to run to the playoffs as Bill Clinton does to run for Husband-of-the- Year.
Since you asked:
You know what I love about being sick? No, really, I am asking, do you know what I like about being sick?
But, seriously, being sick is a lot like having to put on a wool suit and tie and attend a stuffy function you really don’t want to go to. You are absolutely and utterly miserable, you don’t think it is ever going to end, but when it is over, you are so much happier and feel so much better by comparison.
Goodbye Madison
We got some sad news today about our good friend’s, Mark and Tracy O’Snake’s adorable old Black Labrador, Madison. Maddy went to doggie heaven today at the ripe old age of 14. It makes me feel better to know that this is what Madison’s heaven entrance interview probably went like:
Doggy St. Peter:
“Well, well, Madison, I see you lived a long life. Welcome to doggy heaven. We just want to ask you a few questions about your time on earth with your humans, if you don’t mind.”
Madison:
“Sure, go ahead.”
Doggy St. Peter:
“Well, did your humans treat you well? For example, how often did they hit you?”
Madison:
“Excuse me, I don’t understand the question.”
Doggy St. Peter:
“Well, it's just a formality really, we want to know how well humans treated their dogs so we know whether to give them a good dog again. And, if they were really mean to their dogs, we get god involved and, well, it isn't pretty. He loves dogs. So, did they hit you often?”
Madison:
“Hit me? Are you kidding? They never hit me once.”
Doggy St. Peter:
“Oh come on, not even a rolled up newspaper on the snout?”
Madison:
“Not even close.”
Doggy St. Peter;
“Well, good for you. OK, what was the longest you ever had to go hungry? Four days? Five?”
Madison:
“Again, I’m not really sure I follow.”
Doggy St. Peter:
“You know, that pain in your stomach from not having any food, what’s the longest that lasted? Did it ever last four days, five days? A whole week? Don't feel bad, some dogs have gone a couple weeks.”
Madison:
“Oh, you mean that tingly little pang I got in my stomach before I ate?”
Doggy St. Peter:
“Yes.”
Madison:
“About ten minutes right before dinner. Once I think it lasted a whole half-an-hour.”
Doggy St. Peter:
“Amazing. Again, good for you. OK, shifting gears, how old were you when you were taken away from your mother? Eight weeks old? Ten weeks old?”
Madison:
“Oh, no, I lived with my Mother, Chelsea, right up until she passed. She got to be old also."
Doggy St. Peter:
“You got to live with your mother her whole life?”
Madison:
“Yes, we were very close. I’m looking forward to seeing her up here.”
Doggy St. Peter:
“This is, this is amazing. You hit the doggy lottery as we like to say. So where did they make you sleep? Outside in the cold? In the garage? In a crate? I hear those crates are nice once you’re used to them.”
Madison:
“No, we slept on the bed.”
Doggy St. Peter;
“Oh, you had your own doggie bed, well, my, my, that is quite the posh . . .”
Madison:
“No, on the bed with the humans. In the human bed.”
Doggy St. Peter:
(For a long time Doggy St. Peter just stares with his mouth open)
“Really? In the bed? With the humans in it?”
Madison:
“Yeah, well, not under the blankets. OK, a few times under the blankets, but only if it got really cold. But we lived in California, so it didn't get really cold."
Doggy St. Peter
"Amazing. Right then. Last we are at cuddling and playing with you. Would you say they cuddled and played with you, A, all the time, B, a lot, C, a little, or, D, not at all?"
Madison:
"Hmm. I guess I have to go with, B, a lot."
Doggy St. Peter
Really? I'm shocked. Not, A, all the time? Well, for a while there I thought we had the most perfect dog owners who ever lived."
Madison:
"No, not all the time. I mean, they didn't cuddle and play with us when we were sleeping or eating."
Doggie St. Peter:
“Wow. OK, that should do it. Normally now is when I would tell you about how, now that you are in heaven, doggy paradise, all of your problems on Earth are now over. But I think, in your case, this is going to be pretty much a lateral move.”
As Doggy St. Peter escorts Madison out, Madison flies off in her newly appointed white gown, doggy halo and wings, eerily reminiscent of the O’Connor’s Christmas Tree Angel. As she disappears into the clouds, Doggie St. Peter whips out his cell phone and speed-dials god)
“Yo, big guy, DSP here. Listen, thanks for this plush heavens gate gig and all, but I quit. Yeah. I want to go back as a puppy, asap. Specifically a black lab puppy to Tracy, Mark, Sean, Charlotte and Riley O’Connor. Yeah. What? The waiting list is how long? Really? The best of the best of the best? Oh, forget it.”
Naturally
Rapper Pimp C was found dead in a posh LA Hotel room at the age of 33, but the coroners office said it appears Pimp C died of natural causes.
Of course, for a rapper named Pimp C, natural causes includes anything less than nine bullets.
What’s in a name?
The San Diego Chargers face the Tennessee Titans this Sunday.
Many teams nicknames are abbreviations of their name, like the Green Bay Packers are the Pack, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are the Bucs, And so, the Tennessee Titans would be the, well, maybe not.
That explains it
Today is the first day of Hanukah.
For Jews, Chanukah is an eight day festival of lights. Why eight days? Because that’s how long it takes to figure out the right way to spell Hanukkah.
We kid and love the TPATH
The NFL announced that the Super Bowl halftime performer will be Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers.
Now, I don’t want to imply that they are getting old, but now Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers are called Tom Petty and the Lipitor-takers.
Am I worried there could be a halftime wardrobe malfunction with the older Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers? Depends.
Sounds about right
Happy One-Year birthday to Knut, the adorable polar bear cub in Germany.
Knut celebrated his birthday in the usual new celebrity way, he went out clubbing and then dodged the paparazzi when they asked him questions about his relationship with Paris Hilton.
False advertising
The NFL Network is advertising their Thursday game between the Chicago Bears and the Washington Redskins as “The Run to the Playoffs.”
Both teams are 5-7. They have about as much chance to run to the playoffs as Bill Clinton does to run for Husband-of-the- Year.
Since you asked:
You know what I love about being sick? No, really, I am asking, do you know what I like about being sick?
But, seriously, being sick is a lot like having to put on a wool suit and tie and attend a stuffy function you really don’t want to go to. You are absolutely and utterly miserable, you don’t think it is ever going to end, but when it is over, you are so much happier and feel so much better by comparison.
Goodbye Madison
We got some sad news today about our good friend’s, Mark and Tracy O’Snake’s adorable old Black Labrador, Madison. Maddy went to doggie heaven today at the ripe old age of 14. It makes me feel better to know that this is what Madison’s heaven entrance interview probably went like:
Doggy St. Peter:
“Well, well, Madison, I see you lived a long life. Welcome to doggy heaven. We just want to ask you a few questions about your time on earth with your humans, if you don’t mind.”
Madison:
“Sure, go ahead.”
Doggy St. Peter:
“Well, did your humans treat you well? For example, how often did they hit you?”
Madison:
“Excuse me, I don’t understand the question.”
Doggy St. Peter:
“Well, it's just a formality really, we want to know how well humans treated their dogs so we know whether to give them a good dog again. And, if they were really mean to their dogs, we get god involved and, well, it isn't pretty. He loves dogs. So, did they hit you often?”
Madison:
“Hit me? Are you kidding? They never hit me once.”
Doggy St. Peter:
“Oh come on, not even a rolled up newspaper on the snout?”
Madison:
“Not even close.”
Doggy St. Peter;
“Well, good for you. OK, what was the longest you ever had to go hungry? Four days? Five?”
Madison:
“Again, I’m not really sure I follow.”
Doggy St. Peter:
“You know, that pain in your stomach from not having any food, what’s the longest that lasted? Did it ever last four days, five days? A whole week? Don't feel bad, some dogs have gone a couple weeks.”
Madison:
“Oh, you mean that tingly little pang I got in my stomach before I ate?”
Doggy St. Peter:
“Yes.”
Madison:
“About ten minutes right before dinner. Once I think it lasted a whole half-an-hour.”
Doggy St. Peter:
“Amazing. Again, good for you. OK, shifting gears, how old were you when you were taken away from your mother? Eight weeks old? Ten weeks old?”
Madison:
“Oh, no, I lived with my Mother, Chelsea, right up until she passed. She got to be old also."
Doggy St. Peter:
“You got to live with your mother her whole life?”
Madison:
“Yes, we were very close. I’m looking forward to seeing her up here.”
Doggy St. Peter:
“This is, this is amazing. You hit the doggy lottery as we like to say. So where did they make you sleep? Outside in the cold? In the garage? In a crate? I hear those crates are nice once you’re used to them.”
Madison:
“No, we slept on the bed.”
Doggy St. Peter;
“Oh, you had your own doggie bed, well, my, my, that is quite the posh . . .”
Madison:
“No, on the bed with the humans. In the human bed.”
Doggy St. Peter:
(For a long time Doggy St. Peter just stares with his mouth open)
“Really? In the bed? With the humans in it?”
Madison:
“Yeah, well, not under the blankets. OK, a few times under the blankets, but only if it got really cold. But we lived in California, so it didn't get really cold."
Doggy St. Peter
"Amazing. Right then. Last we are at cuddling and playing with you. Would you say they cuddled and played with you, A, all the time, B, a lot, C, a little, or, D, not at all?"
Madison:
"Hmm. I guess I have to go with, B, a lot."
Doggy St. Peter
Really? I'm shocked. Not, A, all the time? Well, for a while there I thought we had the most perfect dog owners who ever lived."
Madison:
"No, not all the time. I mean, they didn't cuddle and play with us when we were sleeping or eating."
Doggie St. Peter:
“Wow. OK, that should do it. Normally now is when I would tell you about how, now that you are in heaven, doggy paradise, all of your problems on Earth are now over. But I think, in your case, this is going to be pretty much a lateral move.”
As Doggy St. Peter escorts Madison out, Madison flies off in her newly appointed white gown, doggy halo and wings, eerily reminiscent of the O’Connor’s Christmas Tree Angel. As she disappears into the clouds, Doggie St. Peter whips out his cell phone and speed-dials god)
“Yo, big guy, DSP here. Listen, thanks for this plush heavens gate gig and all, but I quit. Yeah. I want to go back as a puppy, asap. Specifically a black lab puppy to Tracy, Mark, Sean, Charlotte and Riley O’Connor. Yeah. What? The waiting list is how long? Really? The best of the best of the best? Oh, forget it.”
posted by Alex at
11:45 AM
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