We slip sliding away, slip sliding away, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers


Pamela Anderson got a marriage license with the guy in the Paris Hilton sex video, Rick Salomon. If you want to get a gift, the couple is registered at Bed, Bath and From Behind.


A woman in Siberia gave birth to her 12th child, a girl who weighed 17 pounds. As a result her vagina was officially declared a Chuckie Cheese.


In sad news, Britney Spears lost custody of her two children, Sean Preston and Jayden James. When asked to comment about losing custody of her kids, Britney said;
“Dang, y’all, I was wonderin’ where they up and scampered off to.”


A poll reveals senior citizens prefer Hillary Clinton as their candidate; of course they would prefer it if that young legal eagle would run for president: Matlock.


A new study reveals that men are happier than women, a total reversal from a few decades ago. There are various theories for why men are so happy but I have two ideas: Jessica Alba and Eva Longoria.


Pamela Anderson got a marriage license with the guy in the Paris Hilton sex video, Rick Salomon. Health experts predict this union could reduce sexually transmitted diseases by 20%.


The New York Mets blew a seven game lead in the NL East with 17 games to go and lost their division to the Philadelphia Phillies; or as the playoff-bound-Chicago Cubs fan call the Mets collapse: proof of a benevolent deity.


The New York Mets blew a seven game lead in the NL East with 17 games to go. the Mets staff sent an e-mail to ticket holders apologizing for the Mets poor performance. As empty gestures go, this ranks up there with the time FEMA sent the hurricane Katrina victims a dangling kitty, “Hang in there, baby” card.


Notre Dame has lost it’s first five games in a row, by far the worst start in their history; in case you don’t know in French Notre Dame means our lady. In football it means: our bitch.